Primus' Handymech
by FluffyPizzaPie
Summary: You've got to be fraggin' kiddin' me! I finally get back to my home and family, everything's going right for me, and then two years later, right as I get slaggin' sparked up, I get taken away again? Why does everyone keep kidnapping me, accidentally or not! I'm gonna MURDER Wheeljack! [Or, Fixit and Steve get stuck in G1]
1. Medical Complications

Medical Complications

"_PRIMUS!"_

"_**I didn't do it!"**_

* * *

"Wave, what the frag!? What's wrong!?" Fixit exclaimed in confusion as her internally-panicking bonded dragged her through the doors of Ratchet and Knock Out's (grudgingly) shared clinic. One moment the host mecha was making her see stars, the next he got a clear look at her spark and froze before utterly freaking out.

First Aid, Ratchet's Apprentice who was currently manning the desk for the clinic, jumped in shock as Soundwave stalked right past him with the bewildered Eradicon and burst into Ratchet's office.

"Fixit? What-?" Knock Out started in confusion from where he was looking over scans with Ratchet, only to be cut off by the grumpy doctor chucking a wrench at Soundwave's helm for barging in unannounced. (Said mech dodged it easily.)

"What the frag do you think you're-!?" he started. Then the host mecha shoved Fixit towards him abruptly, forcing him to catch her even as the Eradicon yelped in surprise.

"Scan her spark!" Soundwave demanded frantically, his worry evident in his voice. "Now!"

With the ease borne of long experience, the two doctors picked up on his panic and quickly became serious, ushering the Eradicon and her tense bonded into the private room down the hall so they could check over the femme.

And then things steadily got weirder for the utterly-lost Eradicon. After the initial scan of her damaged spark, both doctors froze before scanning her again.

And again.

And again.

Ratchet burst into astonished and highly-creative swearing, torn between cursing Fixit or the host mecha hovering over her, even as Knock Out continued to scan her with increasing disbelief.

"Cybertron below-"

"That's not possible-"

"How did this-"

"Shouldn't even be possible-"

"You glitched little slagger-"

"Spark's too unstable, not possible-"

_"SHUT UP!"_ Fixit roared in their faces, flaring her wings aggressively.

They jumped, stunned into startled silence. No one but the femme noticed First Aid pop his startled helm in.

"Thank you. _Now what the frag is going on!?"_ she hissed, thoroughly fed up with not knowing what the frag was going on.

Ratchet and Knock Out just looked at each other for a moment.

"Fixit…" KO started hesitantly before faltering, causing Ratchet to cut in.

"You're carrying," he stated bluntly.

She stared blankly at him, idly noting that First Aid (who was still eavesdropping) looked about ready to glitch. Soundwave was just frozen next to her.

"…what?" she said weakly. "But…my spark…"

"-shouldn't be stable enough to successfully spark or carry a newspark, yes. And yet…there's a new spark."

"…"

Ratchet's mouth twitched slightly. "…congratulations. You're going to have a sparkling."

Soundwave and First Aid glitched in unison. Knock Out was just moments behind them as he realized this meant he was essentially going to be a grandsire now.

Fixit numbly snapped pictures of them on instinct, even as she gaped the red and white mech. And then something occurred to her, as a now fully-fledged doctor herself.

"…I'm not going to survive this, am I?"

Ratchet's expression turned grim again. "…since you've already kindled it, your best chance of survival is to carry the newspark to term. Aborting it now would destabilize your spark even more than it already is…destabilize it too much to survive."

"…and my chances of making it to term?"

"…there is a 75% chance of one or both of you offlining before you get to term. And even if you make it that far, you're going to be so weak that the chances of either of you surviving the separation…it's less than 13%."

"…I'm gonna need a shitload of specialized high-energy medical grade energon if I'm gonna make it to even just term…I have a feeling it's just going to depress me, but…what are my chances for the best case scenario? Aka, both the newspark and I surviving?"

Ratchet shuttered his optics and grimaced. "…3%."

"…ah." Fixit fell silent, looking down at the ground.

The doctor leaned forwards and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to meet his optics. "I will do everything in my power to make sure both of you survive this, Fixit. I promise."

She nodded jerkily, her shaking servos coming up to grip his even as she rested her helm against his. And then she let out a semi-hysterical laugh that sounded more like a sob. "...c-can you…"

"I'll explain it to your bonded and the rest of your friends and family," Ratchet said reassuringly, drawing her against him in an actual hug now that he was sure she wouldn't reject it. "I'll take care of everything. Along with the rest of your legions of overprotective minions and friends once they find out," he added dryly, making her snort. "All you have to do is focus on resting and conserving energy as much as possible. We'll take care of everything else."

Fixit simply curled up further into his strong embrace as she shook slightly in shock.

* * *

KEY (for beginning quotes):

"_italics"_ – Fixit

"_**bold italics"**_ – Primus

"_underlined italics"_ – Solus Prime

_A/N: The KEY's only going to be posted once unless otherwise requested. The quotes are going to be extra important this time around._


	2. Boredom Leads To Booms

Boredom Leads To Bad Things

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DIDN'T DO IT!? MY SPARK'S TOO UNSTABLE FOR ME TO KINDLE SUCCESSFULLY WITHOUT YOU DOING SOMETHING!"_

"_**But I didn't-!"**_

"_Primus didn't do anything, Chosen. I did."_

"_Solus!?"_

* * *

"I'm so boooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeed," Fixit whined as she spun on her stool in her lab/Knock Out and Ratchet's claimed medbay. It was located in a secured wing of the new building that Cybertron's new government was run out of. The wing wasn't very big, but it was tucked between the security wing and Prime and the other leaders' office wing, making it one of the most secure locations in the building. It was originally built so all the new members of Cybertron's High Council (aka Prime, Ultra Magnus, Prowl, Soundwave, etc.) could be treated in case of an attack in a safe, secured location. Now, though, it was Fixit's new primary residence.

Ratchet really hadn't realized just how right he was when he said her friends and family would become an overprotective army…until he got a front row ticket to watch them freak out.

(Although the vids he took of it were rather amusing to the Eradicon once she had recovered enough to appreciate it.)

Fixit understood their overprotectiveness. Especially Soundwave's. But when even _Red Alert_ thought the host mecha was going over-the-top…well.

Needless to say, an intervention was required. But hey, at least she got to see the sky again for the first time in weeks!

"I know you're bored, Fixit," Knock Out said sympathetically from where he was working on paperwork (and futilely trying to ignore the napping symbiont on top of his work, but it amused the Eradicon so he tried not to let it bug him…too much). "But apart from solving puzzles or working in here on your projects, your usual hobbies just use too much energy for you to keep doing them."

"Still boring," she sulked as she continued to spin. Lazerbeak had long ago hopped off her shoulder so as not to get too dizzy. Instead, the symbiont was currently sprawled on top of his brother. Who was sprawled on top of Knock Out's paperwork.

KO vented heavily as he rubbed his helm. It really wasn't the Eradicon's fault that she just couldn't sit still for very long unless she was in 'fix everything in reach' mode. She just hated wasting time, or as she would say it, 'being useless.'

A sudden squeak had him snapping his attention up. And then he snorted in amusement as he watched Soundwave pin his Eradicon to the wall, servos beginning to wander. He pointedly looked away- he still hadn't really forgiven the former Decepticon TIC for stalking his ex-Apprentice way back when.

"Shift change," Steve drawled reluctantly as he walked in through the door, also pointedly avoiding looking over at the source of the muffled noises in the corner. Honestly, once Soundwave had gotten over his shock (and been forcefully snapped out of his rabid overprotectiveness), the mech had begun spending every free moment he had practically smothering Fixit in attention. He was terrified for her life, as well as their unborn sparkling's- which he already adored. Steve clearly remembered walking in on the usually-stoic mech _cooing_ at the highly-amused Eradicon's chestplates.

Shudder.

"I hope you brought some more puzzles," Knock Out said dryly as he finished subspacing his work.

"She's finished the last batch _already!?_" the Vehicon exclaimed in mild disbelief. "I thought it would take her longer!"

"It's not like I have much else to do," Fixit retorted as she wobbled over to them, Soundwave still wrapped firmly around her with his helm buried in her shoulder.

Steve grimaced. "…true."

And then they watched for a couple of moments as the Eradicon tried unsuccessfully to get the host mecha off of her. "Come on, Wave! You need to go to that meeting and you know it!"

"We're going to be late if we don't go now," KO chimed in reluctantly, giving into Fixit's wordless pleas for help.

Soundwave grumbled wordlessly, but reluctantly detached himself from his bonded. He continued to linger, though, until Knock Out eventually got fed up and just grabbed his arm, dragging the sulking host mecha out with him.

The two heavily-modified drones watched them go, one in resignation and the other in exasperated fondness.

Steve shook his helm slowly. "You two are almost nauseatingly sweet sometimes, you know that, right?"

Fixit smacked him upside the helm.

* * *

Steve ignored the cackling coming from the other side of the table with the ease of long practice, focusing instead on combining the chemicals the Eradicon had given him. Fixit had a huge fight with Knock Out and Ratchet over continuing whatever experiments she had going at the time. They eventually let her continue, but only on the condition the actual handling of the materials was done by someone else.

Which usually ended up being Steve, seeing as the Eradicon had apparently been sneakily training him as a lab assistant for stellar cycles now. He had not been overly pleased about that revelation.

He peered curiously at the chemicals as they turned bright blue, for whatever reason. On Fixit's side of the table, the cackling cut off abruptly as she noticed the change. He glanced up at her in concerned alarm…

…and then she whooped in victory, jumping around happily and performing a ridiculous victory dance.

"So I'm assuming the color change is a good thing?" he said dryly, arching a brow as Ravage slunk away from the table. The symbiont was probably worried about getting stepped on accidentally.

"It's a brilliant thing-!" Fixit started.

BOOM.

* * *

"…ow," Steve groaned as he slowly came back to consciousness. What had…Fixit!

He jerked upright, only to just miss hitting his helm on a severely warped metal table. He glanced around frantically and found the Eradicon kneeling next to him, who, whilst looking a little singed, appeared otherwise okay. She was staring blankly at something behind him, though, so he turned...and stared incredulously at…

"…Wheeljack?"

The oddly boxy looking mech only superficially resembled the Wheeljack from the Bayverse, as Fixit was fond of calling the alternate universe she had been trapped in. But the flashing fins on the sides of his helm were the same, as was the fact that he had a nose…although the dents and scorch marks were mildly worrying…

The boxy mech's attention snapped to him with a jolt. "How do you know my designation?"

"…wait, your designation is _actually_ Wheeljack!?"

The mech appeared slightly offended, his fins flashing as he spoke. "What do you mean, 'actually!?' Why would you call my designation if you didn't think it was my designation!?"

"Because you reminded me of a different Wheeljack!"

"But there's only one me!"

"Nuh-uh! I've met two different Wheeljacks before! One in our universe, the other…in…oh for Primus' sake…" the Vehicon trailed off in sudden realization.

"Universe?" the Wheeljack in front of them asked in dawning understanding. "You mean…you're from an alternate universe!"

Steve buried his face in his servos. They were so screwed.

* * *

_A/N: Poor Fixit. The bad news just keeps on coming._

_And poor Steve. He always gets sucked into Fixit's messes._


	3. Accidental Kidnappings

Accidental Kidnappings

"_What do you mean, this is your fault!?"_

"_I am the one who stabilized your spark enough to bear the newspark in the first place."_

* * *

Steve grunted as he slowly hefted the rubble pinning Wheeljack to the ground up.

"Almost there…got it! I'm free!" the inventor exclaimed happily, scuttling away. Steve let the rubble drop in relief, staggering over to sit next to the Autobot.

"Fraggin' heavy scrap…" the Vehicon muttered irritably before turning to check on Fixit, who was still staring blankly at the two of them. "Fixit? Sadist, you okay?"

Stare.

"Frag, I think he's gone into shock." Steve scooted over to the unnaturally quiet Eradicon. Wheeljack looked concerned, but froze when he caught sight of the Decepticon insignia still on Fixit's wings. Steve had painted over his a while ago, but no one had ever got around to removing the Eradicon's. Mostly because it was so inconspicuous that no one remembered it was still there.

"He's a Decepticon!?" the inventor exclaimed in shock, stumbling to his pedes and backing away in alarm.

"Ex-Decepticon. We both are. Our war's over," Steve replied absentmindedly, too intent on scanning the unresponsive Eradicon for any injuries to notice the shell-shocked engineer. Just because he couldn't see any major ones didn't mean they weren't there. But to his relief, Fixit only had a couple of scratches and minor dents. "Fixit? Come on, give me a sign you're still in there, please!"

"Your war's over!?" Wheeljack exclaimed in shock, his fins rapidly flashing through a wide range of colors. "But- what- how!?"

Fixit reset her optics slowly. "…our Megatron…disbanded the Decepticons. After Unicron. And then…most of the other Cons…started helping the Autobots rebuild Cybertron. Are we seriously in yet _another _alternate universe?" she asked Steve in mild disbelief after almost making Wheeljack glitch. The engineer was currently leaning heavily against the wall, gaping at them incredulously.

"Most likely. Unfortunately. I just hope we're not trapped here…" the modified Vehicon grimaced in dismay.

"Like I was?"

"Like you were."

"The Decepticons actually agreed to work with the Autobots!?" The engineer was apparently having a hard time wrapping his processor around that fact.

"Most of them did, yes. Although that was mostly thanks to Soundwave's efforts- having the former Decepticon TIC fully supporting the alliance did wonders for convincing most of the Cons to join, and why the frag hasn't anyone come to see what's going on yet? The room's clearly been through a massive and recent explosion. One would think it would've been heard," Fixit scowled, turning her full attention to their surroundings.

Wheeljack chuckled nervously, earning him two pointed glares. Steve's wasn't quite as scary as Fixit's, but it was still fairly impressive due to how much time he'd been spending around scary medics lately.

"…I may have told everyone via the comm that my experiment was still unstable and to stay away until it was stabilized?" the engineer said sheepishly, twiddling his thumbs.

Steve dropped his helm into his servos. "…seriously?"

Fixit raised a brow, giving Wheeljack a skeptical look. "…is Ratchet here?"

"…he's kind of out with Prime and Prowl dragging the Twins back to base," the engineer answered in confusion.

"That explains that…"

"Why?"

"Because if your Ratchet is anything like ours, he would've been here already with a wrench in servo and cussing us all out." Steve shuddered at the memories.

Fixit pouted. "It's not my fault the chemicals were unstable…"

Wheeljack brightened. "You blow things up on a regular basis too?"

An evil grin slowly spread across Fixit faceplates as Steve whimpered quietly in horror. "Why, yes. Yes I do. I think we're going to get along just fine, 'Jacky. At least, once I punish you for _kidnapping_ me," she hissed in an abrupt change of mood. Steve snorted, clapping his servo over his mouth. "What is it with everyone and kidnapping me!? Honestly!"

"Kidnap- I didn't kidnap you!" Wheeljack yelped in protest.

"Technically you removed us from our original universe without our consent," Steve pointed out pleasantly, mildly amused by Fixit's continued background ranting.

"That- it was an accident!"

"You still _accidentally kidnapped us_, _you stupid fraggin' rusted glitching rock concert lightshow on square wheels!"_

"I didn't mean to!" Wheeljack wailed, diving for cover as Fixit began chucking everything in reach at the scientist.

Steve just sat back and watched in amusement.

* * *

_A/N: Ah, Wheeljack. I love him so much._

_Next up, meeting more G1 Autobots!_


	4. First Impressions

First Impressions

"_Why would you do that!? You know my spark is unstable!"_

"_**You also know she cannot bear a newspark to term without offlining. If that is your goal-!"**_

"_I do not wish to see Fixit harmed. It is quite the opposite, actually. We owe her everything."_

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NONE OF YOU HAVE CHECKED ON HIM!?" Ratchet snarled, brandishing his wrench threateningly.

"He said tha' i' wasn' safe yet!" Jazz threw his servos up in surrender, backing away.

The medic chucked his wrench at the saboteur's helm anyways before comming the explosive engineer. :Wheeljack, status report!:

_:It wasn't my fault!:_ came the wailed reply, with highly inventive curses sounding in the background. _:It was an accident!:_

"What did you do, you slagger!?" Ratchet cursed out loud as he transformed, taking off towards the inventor's lab and opening the comm channel to Prime, Prowl, Jazz, and Ironhide as they followed behind him.

_:It was an accident, I didn't mean to- oh frag! __**Get back here and let me murder you, you walking rusted scrapheap with moldy slag for a processor!:**_ The Autobots all listening in started at the second voice interrupting Wheeljack. Especially since the interruption was followed by a third voice, and then a loud series of crashes, curses, bangs, and yelps of pain.

:_Owowowowowowowow!- _Fixit, get off Wheeljack! Stop trying to murder him!- _**I'll stop trying to murder the glitching lightshow- **__Gahhh, wrench!-__** after I run him through an industrial blender for kidnapping us!-**_ _Not the servo, not the servo!-_ Fixit! Stop it!- _My leg!-__** Die you slagger!-**_ He didn't mean to, stop it!- _**I will murder you-!-**__ Wall!:_

CRUNCH.

:Wheeljack!?: Ratchet cried in alarm, speeding up. His fellow officers followed his example, everyone worried now. Prowl had already contacted Red Alert about the intruders in Wheeljack's lab, and the Ark's personnel were all on alert.

**:…ow. **Well, that was a spectacular failure.- _**Shut up, Steve.- **__Oww, my aching helm…- __**Shut up, 'Jack.-**_ …are you done trying to murder him now?- _**…**_**-** _…please?- __**…fine.- **__YESSSS!-_ YESSSSS!- _**Only because it was an accident, and if you keep cheering I will change my mind about murdering the both of you!:**_

Two frightened squeaks came over the line, shortly followed by silence.

:WHEELJACK, WHAT THE SLAG IS GOING ON!?: Ratchet roared over the comm, making the inventor yelp in surprise.

:**WHEELJACK!- **_Ratchet startled me, I'm sorry!-_ Oh, honestly…wait…- **…Wheeljack. What do you mean Ratchet startled you?:**

They could hear the engineer laugh nervously at the other's flat voice.

:_…Ratchet may have commed me a breem ago or so and he's been listening in ever since?:_

Silence.

:_…please don't kill me?-_ **I am so done with this. Just…done. Screw you, 'Jack.- **…right. Fine. We'll just…I dunno, sit quietly and peacefully wait for whoever's coming. That sound good?- _…yeah, that'll work. Thanks!-_ **Shut up, Wheeljack.- **_Okay.- _…hey Wheeljack?- **Steve…-** Can you tell them not to shoot us, please?- _Oh! Sure thing! Er, I mean- _**Fine. But then you shut up.- **_Okay! Ratchet and whoever else is listening, please don't shoot them, it's not their fault they're here!- _**Now shut up.- **_Okay.- _**And shut off the comm.- **_Got it!-_ **Wheeljack!- **_Shutting up!:_

* * *

Ratchet screeched to a halt outside the (heavily reinforced) doors of Wheeljack's lab. Transforming, he stalked into the wrecked lab with the other officers right behind him. Glaring around the room, he noticed Wheeljack first, who appeared unharmed but for the scorch marks all over him.

And then he noticed the two spiky, yet oddly streamlined bots- one with wings, one without- leaning against the wall next to the inventor.

Ironhide aimed his cannons at them as the two glanced up at them with strangely smooth faces- neither of them had a nasal ridge, for whatever reason. But one of them was clearly scowling, whilst the other just looked mildly intrigued.

"Ratchet!" Wheeljack said happily, fins flashing. He was immediately pelted with a wrench.

"What the slag did you do, you glitched fragger!?" Ratchet snarled at the cowering engineer, who moved to hide behind the streamlined bot with the ground-alt. Said bot just vented in resignation as he was used as a living shield. His winged friend snickered at his and Wheeljack's misfortune.

"Yep, just as terrifying as our Ratchet…" the bot muttered in a smooth low tenor.

It paused the tirade momentarily. "What?" the medic asked in irritated confusion. He didn't like not knowing what was going on.

"As fa' as Ah know there's only one Ratchet," Jazz piped up, watching the two curiously.

"I wish," the winged bot muttered, crossing his arms. The saboteur grinned at that.

"In this universe, yes. But we're from an alternate universe, which means I now know two Ratchets. It's very traumatizing."

"Excuse me!?" Ratchet snapped as Jazz and Ironhide tried to hide their snickers. Optimus was more successful in hiding his smile, even as Prowl remained impassive. The SIC was too busy pondering the ramifications of an alternate universe.

"I know three," the winged bot said innocently.

"Yes, but you're also terrifying. And shameless," the grounder rebutted. "Also, you've been taught by one."

"Two."

"Really?"

"Well, it was just a couple of tips on some of the more complex stuff, since the anatomy in Bayverse is different from ours."

"It is?"

"…"

"…what?"

"…seriously? They look completely different from us- just like these guys do. How the frag did you not notice their anatomy was different?"

"Well, I mean, I don't have any medical training whatsoever-"

"And you're a Roomba."

"-and you're just ridiculously overqualified when it comes to medical matters-"

"There's no such thing as overqualified when it comes to taking care of you ridiculously moronic glitchmice."

"-_and_ you're a fraggin' genius-"

"Anyone's a genius in comparison to you lot."

"-will you stop interrupting-!?"

"Never."

"GAAAAAHHHH!"

Jazz and Wheeljack were laughing shamelessly now. Optimus and Ironhide were both chuckling at the strangers' antics. Even Prowl cracked a small smirk, although that quickly disappeared.

"If you are from an alternate universe, how did you arrive here?" the SIC asked coolly.

As one, the two streamlined bots turned to glare at Wheeljack.

"It was an accident?" he said sheepishly.

* * *

_A/N: Uh-oh. Wheeljack's gonna get it now…_

_This may or may not happen, but…if I added another TF:Prime member to G1, who would you want it to be?_


	5. Revelations

Revelations

"_Then…why did you…?"_

"_Because you are the only one he trusted."_

* * *

"We reserve the right to defend ourselves, but we have no interest in fighting. We just want to go home," Fixit said in answer to Optimus Prime's questions.

The Prime smiled softly, inclining his helm. "In that case, I grant you asylum onboard the Ark until Wheeljack figures out a way to return you home."

"Thank you," Fixit smiled, her wings fluttering behind her and accidentally bringing Prowl's attention to the Decepticon insignia there. Thankfully, Steve noticed where the Praxian was looking and intervened.

"Yes, we used to be Deceptions," he stated, rolling his optics as Ironhide's cannons made an immediate reappearance. "But our war's over, the Decepticons disbanded, and Fixit's only still wearing the insignia to make the transition easier for more reluctant Decepticons."

"Really?" Fixit asked cluelessly.

Steve facepalmed. "Yes, Fixit. Really."

"Huh, I always just thought no one wanted to fight with Soundwave about removing it…"

"…that's pretty much why Prowl came up with that line of reasoning, yes. Soundwave was being…"

"Soundwave?"

"Stubborn."

"Soundwave."

Steve glared at the Eradicon. She grinned back cheekily.

"Your war…is over?" Optimus said hesitantly…hopefully. All the Autobots in the room were staring incredulously at the two ex-Cons.

Fixit's expression softened minutely. "…yes, Optimus. Our war's over. Both Autobots and Decepticons alike are working together to rebuild Cybertron."

"More 'Bots than 'Cons, though," Steve remarked.

"More 'Cons than we would've gotten had Soundwave not cooperated fully."

"True…no one wants to be on his badside."

"Although the DJD were a pain in the aft to deal with…"

Steve snorted as the Autobots looked mildly alarmed at the mention of the Decepticon Justice Division. "They're not going to bother anyone ever again after you traumatized them so thoroughly. I asked Jazz about them a little while before we ended up here-"

"-you mean before _we were kidnapped!?"_ Fixit glared at the cringing Wheeljack.

The Vehicon ignored her interruption. "-and he said that pretty much all they did was sit in their cells, curled up in a little ball, and whimper to themselves."

The Autobots choked in shock.

The Eradicon scoffed. "Pathetic wimps. It wasn't _that_ bad."

"…I don't even want to know what your idea of truly bad is."

"I only do truly bad things to those who hurt/would hurt my friends and family. They had it coming," Fixit said dismissively, flicking her servo through the air. Then she jumped slightly and grabbed at her chestplates.

"Fixit!? Are you okay?! Was it the newspark!? Oh frag, I didn't even think about how the transition must've affected it,itmightbedestabilizingohfragwhatdoIdo-!"

The Eradicon slammed a heavy wrench onto his helm, forcing the panicking Vehicon onto his aft with a yelp.

"Calm down, you moron. I'm fine. He was just moving slightly and I didn't expect it. It was…weird," she vented tiredly.

"…did 'e say 'newspark?'" Jazz said incredulously, staring at Fixit's chestplates.

"…yes, I am carrying," she grumbled reluctantly. "I'm about six months along."

They gaped at her…and then Ratchet burst into action, scanning her frantically as Prowl stumbled, looking very close to glitching.

Fixit hissed in annoyance.

* * *

"TURN OFF THE SENSOR BLOCK, YOU FRAGGING IDIOT!" Ratchet roared at the defiant Eradicon perched on one of the berths in his medbay.

"ONLY IF YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN FIRST!"

"IF YOU'RE REALLY CARRYING I NEED TO CHECK YOU NOW!"

"I AM A MEDIC MYSELF, THE NEWSPARK AND I ARE FINE FOR THE MOMENT, NOW SHUT UP AND LISTEN!"

"YOU-!"

"Ratchet," Prowl interjected, being the only one brave enough to do so.

The lethal glare was turned on the calm Praxian. "WHAT!"

"Perhaps it would be beneficial to everyone if you listened to him first. I doubt he will allow himself to be scanned until then."

"Damn straight," Fixit muttered irritably, glowering at the wrench-wielding medic.

The medic cursed her out, but didn't quite dare to hit her with a wrench until he was certain the newspark wouldn't be harmed by it. "Fine. What!?" he snapped.

"Thank you. Now, basic information- since I am from an alternate universe, my anatomy is different from yours, and something that you might think is damaged might not actually be. If you try and fix it without consulting with me, you might very well offline me on the spot."

Ratchet scowled, but recognized the Eradicon was making a good point. "…fine. Now-!"

"I'm not done," she interrupted. Only to be interrupted herself by Steve.

"Did that happen to you in Bayverse?" he asked curiously, perched on another berth with First Aid sort of fluttering helplessly around him.

"I almost offlined Fritz that way, yes. It was very unpleasant. Anyways, additional information- I am actually a femme-"

_**"What!?"**_ came the collective response from all the Autobots currently in medbay; namely, Ratchet, Jazz, Prowl, Wheeljack, and First Aid. Optimus and Ironhide had left to update the rest of the Ark on the situation/calm Red Alert down.

Fixit rolled her optics. "It was safer during the war to be thought a mech, especially since I ended up a Decepticon."

There was a collective 'ooohh, that makes sense' moment.

"Wai', ended up a 'Con?" Jazz asked curiously, picking up on her unusual phrasing.

"Fixit and I were both originally sparked Decepticon drones that eventually evolved personalities," Steve answered, idly swinging his legs back and forth. "Fixit's personality just evolved first. And then she 'helped' us evolve, too…" he muttered, glowering over at the grinning Eradicon.

"You're welcome," she chirped smugly.

"Wait, so you weren't Decepticons by choice?" Wheeljack asked.

Fixit and Steve shared a glance. "…not originally, no. But eventually, we got attached to people who were loyal Decepticons-"

"Aka he got attached to Soundwave and I got attached to him," Steve muttered.

Fixit ignored him. "-and ended up staying for them." And then she turned to the Vehicon. "I actually was _terrified_ of Soundwave to begin with. Knock Out and Breakdown were the ones I got attached to originally, _then_ I befriended Lazerbeak."

"Not Soundwave and Ravage?"

"No, Wave and the Toaster came later."

"Toaster?" Jazz snickered.

"Fixit gives pretty much everyone nicknames," Steve said wryly. "I'm a Roomba, along with the rest of the Vehicons- Decepticon drones- and Ravage is Toaster. Don't ask me why."

"Wha' does 'e call-"

"This is all very fascinating, but _I need to scan you now,"_ Ratchet snarled, brandishing his wrench threateningly.

"Okay-" Fixit began to shrug.

"Hang on, have you told him about the damage to your spark yet?" Steve interjected.

_"WHAT!?"_ Ratchet roared.

Fixit winced, glaring at the Vehicon. "Thanks, Steve. I totally wanted to explain that in front of everyone…"

He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry?"

* * *

_A/N: Well, so far, most people seem to want either Knock Out, Soundwave, or Megatron to end up in G1. So I'll make it easier for you- Soundwave will eventually end up in G1 no matter what, but towards the end of the story. So…who do you want in addition to Wave?_


	6. Chatter

Chatter

"…_the only one who trusted?"_

"…_**no…he didn't…"**_

"_Who didn't?"_

* * *

"WHAT DAMAGE TO YOUR SPARK!?"

"STOP YELLING AT ME! EITHER SEND THEM AWAY OR TAKE ME INTO A PRIVATE ROOM, AND I'LL TELL YOU, YOU FRAGGER!"

Steve vented tiredly as the still-yelling medics moved to a private room in the back, leaving him alone with First Aid, Wheeljack, Prowl, and Jazz. "There's nothing quite like the sound of Fixit and Ratchet fighting…"

"They fight a lot?" Wheeljack asked curiously, tilting his helm to the side.

"Yep. They have regular cursing contests. Jazz, the Twins, and Smokescreen sell tickets. There's a very high demand…"

Prowl scowled disapprovingly as Jazz and Wheeljack snickered. First Aid looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or disapprove, so instead he just started working on Wheeljack.

"What is wrong with Fixit's spark?" Prowl asked, effectively ruining the mood.

"Way ta ruin t' mood, Prowler," Jazz muttered as Steve scowled.

"I don't know what's up with Fixit's spark. Only Ratchet, Soundwave and his symbionts, Knock Out, Jazz (and subsequently Prowl), and Optimus Prime and Elita-1 know," Steve glared at Prowl. "And unless it's absolutely necessary, you won't know either. Our Jazz found out by complete accident, and Elita-1 only knows because she's bonded to Prime."

"Then why does your Prowl know?" the SIC questioned the annoyed Vehicon.

"Because he's bonded to Jazz," Steve replied flatly, making the tactician choke in shock. Then he smirked in satisfaction as Prowl glitched, Wheeljack and First Aid squeaked, and Jazz gaped.

And then a massive slag-eating grin spread across Jazz's faceplates. "Yes! Ah knew Ah'd ge' 'im t' say yes eventually!" the saboteur cheered, causing Steve and Wheeljack to laugh. First Aid giggled nervously.

* * *

"THERE, NOW IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, SO _WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FRAGGING SPARK!?_"

Fixit hesitated, shifting nervously in place on the berth. Ratchet was taken aback by just how…vulnerable she looked, now that she no longer had an audience. "I'm…it's…my spark is…"

The red and white medic scowled, but there was a softer edge to it now. "Just tell me."

The Eradicon intaked deeply. "IwasbornasplitsparktwinbutmytwinwasapsychopathandkilledbothofusandPrimussavedme'causehe-"

Ratchet smacked her helm lightly. "Calm down. Look at me."

She looked, shaking slightly.

"Good. Now tell me slowly."

Fixit clenched her servos into fists, shuttering her optics tightly. "I-I was a split-spark t-twin-"

Ratchet froze. "WHAT!?"

She plunged forwards, knowing that if she didn't get it all out now she wouldn't ever work up the nerve to tell him again. "-but my twin was a psychopath and he killed us but Primus saved me 'cause he needed me to do something for him but the energy he gave me to keep me online mostly ran out and He can't recharge it and it can only be recharged by direct donations of spark energy which is my bonded's job but he's not here and I don't know how long my spark with last even with the synthetic high-grade energon I finally managed to make right before ending up here and my spark is so unstable due to permanently missing it's other half that we thought I could never carry but now I'm carrying and my newspark and I already had horrible chances of either of us making it out alive but without my bonded to help with spark energy I don't think there's any chance of either of us surviving it and I can barely feel my bonded and he grounds me and my emotions so much I don't know what to do Fixer's doing her best but even she can't totally stabilize my emotions-"

Ratchet clapped his servo over the babbling Eradicon's mouth, ceasing the panicked stream of words. "Stop. Just…let me process."

Fixit nodded shakily, bringing up her servos to clutch his servo to her chestplates when he moved to pull away. The medic scowled lightly, but vented slightly when she just curled her trembling frame around his servo. Reaching out, he pulled her into a light hug and let her rest against his sturdy frame as he went back over her run-on confession.

He reached up to rub his helm as his processor began to ache before glancing down at her balled-up, frightened frame. "…fraggit. Just…fraggit."

* * *

_A/N: And Ratchet is rendered speechless._

_Momentarily._

_But yeah…poor Fixit. She's been reacting way too calmly up till now…_

_Shorter chapter, but it just wouldn't continue._


	7. Shiny

Shiny

"_She saved him, Primus. You and she are the only ones he trusted after what happened to him."_

"_WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"_

* * *

"Steve stays with me."

"I'm staying with Fixit."

"I'm not having both of you stay in my medbay!" Ratchet snapped.

**"Don't care. We're staying together,"** the modified ex-Deception drones replied in unison, causing the medic to growl in frustration. Prowl frowned slightly, even as Jazz, Wheeljack, and First Aid looked sympathetic.

"You need to be here so I can monitor you-!" Ratchet started, only to be cut off by Fixit.

"No, I just need to be close enough nearby so that you can be there almost immediately if there's any issues. I'm not staying in a strange place with people I don't fully trust without my only ally nearby," she added since the medic was about to protest more. "That'll just stress me out unnecessarily."

Ratchet snarled, recognizing the manipulation, but also realizing that she was telling the truth. "…fine. But you-" he turned on Prowl, "-ensure their quarters are _as close as fragging possible to medbay, understand?!_"

Prowl lifted a brow slightly. "I have already assigned shared quarters for them two corridors over."

Ratchet huffed. "Good. Now everyone who doesn't need to be here, GET OUT OF MY MEDBAY!"

Jazz and Wheeljack beat a hasty retreat, whilst Prowl followed at a more dignified pace. Steve stubbornly stayed sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Fixit on a berth.

Just before leaving, Prowl turned to address the two ex-Cons. "Once a formal announcement about your presence has been made, and the Ark's personnel have been given time to adjust, I shall send someone to escort you around the Ark. Until then, please remain here."

Both kidnappeés recognized the unstated order behind the politely-phrased request. Fixit just raised a brow at the Praxian as Steve tossed the mech as sloppy salute. "Understood, _sir_," the Vehicon drawled with an edge of sarcasm.

Fixit looked at her companion in amusement as Prowl gave the other mech a Look. "I've corrupted you," she commented before sniffing dramatically. "I'm so proud!"

"You would be," Steve retorted as Prowl finally turned and left.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it means-"

Wisely, Ratchet cut them off before they could resume bickering. "Fixit, get over here and teach me about your anatomy."

The Eradicon pouted, but obeyed as First Aid walked over as well.

Steve just shrugged and settled down for a nap.

* * *

"What are they like?" Sideswipe asked as most of the Ark's personnel gathered around Wheeljack and Jazz. Prowl had finished briefing everyone only moments before and then- with a barely-noticeable smirk that only Jazz seemed to notice- calmly informed the Ark that any further questions about the dimensional travelers should be directed to Jazz, Wheeljack, or Ratchet if their questions couldn't wait till meeting the actual bots tomorrow. And since Ratchet was currently holed up in medbay with First Aid and the travelers, that left only Jazz and Wheeljack to interro- sorry, _question._

"Steve reminds me of Beachcomber, only more sarcastic and easily exasperated," Wheeljack offered first.

"Steve's the mech, right?" someone called out from the crowd. "What about the femme?"

Jazz and Wheeljack shared a glance. "Well…" the saboteur drawled, purposefully drawing out the tension. The mechs surrounding the two leaned in unconsciously. "…Ah haven' known Fixit very lon', bu'…so fa', 'e seems like an unholy combination o' Ratchet an' t' Twins."

"Seriously!?" Sideswipe exclaimed, Sunstreaker sharing his incredulity. Along with pretty much everyone else in the room.

"Yup."

"…well, that's…terrifying," someone commented, voicing what everyone was thinking.

"Makes fo' some amusin' fights wi' Ratchet, though."

That gained the saboteur some snickers.

* * *

Ratchet woke up, and groaned silently. Because Fixit and Steve's quarters hadn't been set up yet, they had spent the night cycle in medbay, and Ratchet had decided to recharge in the chair in his office, shooing First Aid off to be interrogated by the mechs milling about outside his medbay. (The crowd quickly dispelled once he threatened them, though- the grumpy old medic had to repress a satisfied smirk at the memory.)

The red-and-white mech got up and stretched, joints and cables popping, before making his way out of his office…

…only to freeze at the sight of a pristinely-clean, gleaming, and completely organized medbay.

Ratchet gaped for a few moments more, until a snort off to the side of him drew his attention. He glanced over to see a spotless, shiny, and repainted Steve leaning against the wall next to his office door. The mech offered him an amused smirk and nodded at the medic's almost unnaturally-clean medbay.

"This is why everyone's both scared and in awe of Fixit. He's a workaholic who gets even more done than fragging _Soundwave."_

"…you two got all this done in _one recharge cycle!?"_ Ratchet questioned incredulously. Frag, even the walls and ceiling had been repainted and buffed. _Buffed._ Who _buffed walls?! Or the fragging ceiling!?_

"Nope."

"What?"

_"We_ didn't get it done. _Fixit_ got it done. I only woke up when he started working on me after finishing with everything else," Steve said calmly, smirking slightly at the medic's stunned faceplates. "I told you he's terrifyingly efficient."

"Morning, Ratchet!" Fixit chirped, popping up in front of the two from out of nowhere. They both yelped, jumping back in surprise.

Ratchet cursed, even as Steve scowled at the Eradicon bouncing slightly on her pedes. "Fraggit, femme-!"

"I'm really really really really bored right now. _Please_ give me something to do?"

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY MEDBAY!?"

"I checked out your organization system then put everything back in its proper places first. Well, no, actually, I cleaned and repaired everything first before I put it away. Then I cleaned the rest of the room. After finishing that, I pulled out one of my puzzles to work on, but I finished that really quickly, so then I started repainting everything. Once the paint dried, I started buffing it for lack of anything else to do. Then I got nosy and went back to check over your supplies, and I noticed that some of the things you were low on I actually had on me, so I added some of my supplies to yours and updated your inventory lists. But the inventory was actually slightly dirty, so I cleaned that next. After that, I officially ran out of things to do, so I went to work on Steve, and after he was done I just kind of sprawled on the floor for lack of anything better to do. Then you woke up and here we are!"

Ratchet just…stared.

"Told you so," Steve muttered, leaning against the wall again.

"Told him what?"

"Nothing…"

"Steve…"

The doors to the medbay slid open, admitting Jazz and saving Steve from Fixit's glare.

"Mornin'- wha' t' frag happened in here?" the saboteur gaped at the brand-new looking medbay.

"Fixit happened," Steve informed him. "Fixit always happens."

"Oy! I resemble that remark!"

* * *

_A/N: So, Megatron and Knock Out…will probably both be coming eventually. KO'll show up earlier than Megs, though._

_Ah, the dangers of a bored Fixit. Ratchet should just be happy she chose to clean instead of pulling a prank… XD_


	8. Second Impressions

Second Impressions

"_**Fixit…do you remember Megatronus Prime? Or the Fallen, as he was more commonly called?"**_

"…_yes. What about him?"_

"_**After you sent him to me, I fixed what I could…but the only way to completely repair his spark was to give him a second chance."**_

"_...which means…?"_

"_Which means he needed to be reincarnated."_

* * *

"Why am I always used as a living shield?" Steve asked the ceiling as Jazz and Wheeljack laughed at him.

"Because you are an excellent shield," Fixit grinned from behind the mech. She snickered as he glowered over his shoulder at her.

After marveling at the spotless medbay, Jazz- their official escort for today- had lead them out into the corridor and showed them around, telling them where they were allowed to go and where they weren't. They ran into Wheeljack and Perceptor along the way and exchanged pleasantries. Wheeljack ended up tagging along with them, though, whilst Perceptor continued on to the labs. And now, their tour was about to end in the rec room, where Jazz would undoubtedly introduce them to everyone who came along.

Hence why Fixit was using Steve as a shield.

"I thought you loved meeting and terrorizing new people," Steve grumbled, half-heartedly attempting to shake the Eradicon off.

"Eh, I just don't really feel like dealing with mass amounts of rubbernecks right now."

"Rubbernecks?"

"People who gawk."

"…I've never heard that term before."

"Of course you haven't, Steve," Fixit patted him on the helm.

"Stop patronizing me."

"Never."

"…please?"

"Nope."

"Aft."

"Yep."

"Yah ready t' mee' mah mechs o' no'?" Jazz laughed, interrupting their bickering.

The two ex-Cons shared a glance. "…yeah, okay, sure. But only if Steve stays my shield."

Steve rolled his optics. "Whatever."

* * *

"I wonder what they look like," Spike said curiously. He and Carly were sitting with Bumblebee, Mirage, and Hound as they waited for Jazz to bring the dimensional travelers in. Pretty much everyone who wasn't on duty was gathered, waiting to see the two.

"Like that, apparently," Mirage said, looking slightly surprised. Spike turned to see the doors open and an amused Jazz walk through…

…followed by a strangely streamlined yet spiky mech, with wheel wells on his shoulders and no nasal ridge. The dark purple mech looked…oddly resigned, even as Wheeljack came through the door behind him. The inventor was snickering for some reason. And then they realized why as a second, dark blue and purple helm popped up from over the first mech's shoulder. Gleefully mischievous red optics scanned the room, before ducking back down to hide again.

The first mech turned his helm and vented in exasperation. "Really?"

"Shhh…I'm not here," came the exaggerated whisper that carried clearly throughout the room.

A brow was raised. "Everyone can hear you clearly."

"No they can't."

"…yes they can."

"No they can't. Because I'm not here."

"Seriously?" the first mech groaned, reaching up to rub his helm as Jazz and Wheeljack just laughed. Grins were beginning to appear around the rec room, now. "Then how can I hear you?"

"Um…"

"…"

"…because I'm haunting you! Yeah, that's what I'm doing…"

"…so you're a ghost?"

"Yeah, let's go with that."

"Then I'm a ghost too."

"What? No you're not."

"Yep. If you died, your army of overprotective minions would murder me for failing to protect you."

The second helm popped back up again to stare accusingly at the first. "You totally stole that line from Ratchet."

"You have to admit it's a fairly accurate description."

"No I don't. I'm in denial, therefore, I don't have to. Nyaaaah."

"…did you seriously just stick your glossa out at me? Seriously?"

"Getting old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."

"And with you, it's rather obvious you've chosen not to grow up at all."

"Where's the fun in that?!"

"Yah can go on fer hours, can' yah?" Jazz laughed, shaking his helm at the two. Along with pretty much the entire room.

"Yep!"

"Unfortunately."

He laughed some more before he pulled them to stand in the middle of the room. "Mechs, this is Steve, an' that's Fixit. Be nice t' 'em, yeah? An' don' evah ge' inta a cursin' contes' wi' Fixit- he'll kick yah're aft!"

"Especially since he's already won against your Ratchet," Steve muttered.

"No way!" Sideswipe yelled, standing up as everyone else either gaped or choked in shock. "You out-cursed the Hatchet!?"

"He actually has a slightly smaller vocabulary than the Ratchet from our universe," Fixit mused idly, slinging her arms over Steve's shoulders and propping her chin up as well.

"Mainly because he hasn't had a chance to learn from you before?" Steve said dryly.

The Eradicon grinned evilly. "He shall be a master once I'm through with him."

"Primus save us all…"

* * *

_A/N: I love writing Fixit and Steve. Their banter is so amusing…_

_The most important part of this chapter is the quote. Heh. I love plot twists…_


	9. Eavesdroppers

Eavesdroppers

"_Megatronus originally asked Primus if you could be the one to bear his reincarnated spark-"_

"_**-but I refused. I refused because your spark wouldn't be able to bear the strain! Solus, you dare go against my direct orders!?"**_

"_Fixit is the only one both Megatronus and I trusted to raise his reincarnation right. And I have a plan to ensure both Fixit and the newspark's survival. I will not allow either of them to perish."_

"_My…my newspark is the reincarnation of Megatronus Prime? Of the Fallen?"_

"_Yes."_

* * *

"Is it true your war's over?" Bumblebee asked hesitantly. He and pretty much every other Autobot on the Ark who was free were gathered around the two dimensional travelers seated on the couch. Even Optimus Prime, Ratchet, and Ironhide were there, sitting at a table in the back.

"Yup," Fixit confirmed casually as she fiddled with her datapad. She was sitting sideways on the couch, leaning up against one of its arms, with her legs sprawled out over Steve (who was next to her) and Jazz (who was next to Steve).

Stunned silence followed this proclamation. But it only lasted for a moment before Cliffjumper broke it.

"Who won?" the red minibot demanded.

"No one."

"The Autobots."

Steve and Fixit glanced at each other, startled. **"What?"**

"What do you mean the Autobots won? I thought Ryan and Wave hashed out a peace treaty," the Eradicon frowned in confusion.

"Well, yeah, but only after Jazz rescued Soundwave from the Shadowzone. And since Megatron disbanded the Decepticons before that-"

**"WHAT!?" **the Autobots sputtered.

Steve ignored them. "-technically the Autobots won."

Fixit frowned. "…I guess that makes sense. But wouldn't they have still had to fight the remnants, the 'Cons that didn't listen to Megs' order to disband?" _Like Creamer?_ she added silently to herself. She still didn't know what had become of the Seeker…

"Which is why Soundwave helping make the peace treaty came in handy. Thanks for that, by the way."

"For what?"

"Getting Jazz to rescue Soundwave."

"I didn't even know for sure Wave was alive when I made Jazz promise, you realize."

"Regardless, it made the transition to peace way easier. Especially after Prowl came up with his BS reasoning for Soundwave keeping his insignia."

Fixit snorted, aware of their attentive (and incredulous) audience, but not really caring. "Like Wave would ever willingly be rid of the symbol of his loyalty."

"Hence the BS reasoning."

"It would've been more convincing if more bots than just Wave kept their insignia."

"They did."

"Really?"

"Yep. You just haven't run into most of them. Either that, or you noticed and immediately disregarded it."

"…probably the second."

"…yeah, probably."

"…Megatron…disbanded the Decepticons?" Optimus asked weakly, voicing the thoughts of their entire audience.

"Yup."

"…why?"

"He got resurrected and possessed by Unicron," Fixit said nonchalantly, returning her attention to her datapad. (Little did the Autobots know that she was actually fiddling with the pad's camera. Their reactions were just blackmail gold!)

Pause.

"…Ah think yah've los' us," Jazz admitted, resetting his visor. "Megsy go' wha'?"

"Resurrected and possessed by Unicron," Steve remarked, slightly amused. Slaggit, Fixit's sense of humor was rubbing off on him! "It's a long story," he added when their confused and incredulous looks didn't go away.

"We've got time," Ratchet scowled. He hated being confused, especially since the two travelers were practically radiating smug amusement. (Although it was only evident to the more observant bots.)

"And we have no problem with telling you. But I have a question before we start," Fixit glanced up at Prime, who nodded warily at her. (The Eradicon cackled inwardly- yesssss, already he was learning! Muahahahahaha!)

"What is it, Fixit?"

"Do you mind your Decepticons finding out about this? 'Cause I just noticed Ravage is up in that vent over there, and I get the feeling that he's been there for a while."

Everyone choked in shock (including Steve), whirling to see a pair of equally startled red feline optics staring down at them. There was a frozen tableau for a long moment (Fixit made sure to take lots of pictures)…and then all hell broke loose.

The Autobots sprang into action as the Cassetticon made a break for it. Steve yelped and ducked as Jazz leapt nimbly over the back of the couch, just barely avoiding hitting the Vehicon's helm. The saboteur quickly vanished through the door to the rec room, followed closely by his special ops mechs, Mirage and Bumblebee. One of Ratchet's wrenches impacted the vent screen the feline Decepticon had been spying on them from just moments after the red optics disappeared. A couple of Autobots ran into or tripped over each other in their haste to attack the intruder. Smokescreen, Hound, and Gears all ended up on the floor in a giant pile somehow. Optimus hopped awkwardly over them, flailing his arms as the large mech tried not to squish any of his unlucky men. Ironhide and Sideswipe ran through the door unsteadily, wobbling unsteadily from constantly being shoved together in their sprint across the room. Sunstreaker followed them at a slower pace, screeching at anyone who got in his way to 'watch the paint!' The sound of the alarm going off, no doubt courtesy of Red Alert, only added more confusion to the already chaotic room.

Fixit just sat back and happily added to her blackmail collection. Discreetly.

Hey, it was easier to keep the blackmail safe if no one knew you had it till you used it…

* * *

_A/N: Methinks Unicron is jealous of Fixit's ability to cause Chaos. Primus certainly thinks so, anyways…_


	10. Rules and Religions

Rules and Religions

"_**And how, exactly, do you plan to ensure their survival?"**_

"_Fixit still bears my Forge. So long as she keeps it on her frame or in her subspace, I can transfer energy from my spark directly to hers. And since my spark is stronger than hers, I can easily ensure both her survival and the newspark's."_

"…_**but not necessarily yours."**_

"…_no. Not necessarily mine."_

* * *

"Why didn't you tell us Ravage was up there earlier!?" Ratchet fumed, waving his wrench threateningly over his helm as Red Alert had a panicked meltdown in the background. Inferno, Jazz, and Optimus were all busy trying to calm the poor glitching security mech down. Ironhide, Blaster, Prowl, and Wheeljack were all busy dealing with other issues around the Ark.

"I told you just as soon as I noticed he was up there," Fixit rebutted in mild annoyance, glancing up briefly from her datapad as Steve cowered behind her. "Contrary to what Steve and everyone else seems to believe, I am not omnipotent."

It was two hours after Ravage had gotten away, and most of the officers (plus the two modified Vehicons) were gathered together in a meeting room. The Ark had just come down off high-alert…which meant the Autobots now had time to interro- sorry, _question_ the two dimensional travelers.

"I TOLD YOU THEY WERE DECEPTICON SPIES!" Red Alert screeched, static flickering around his horns. Fixit just ignored him with the ease of long practice as Inferno and Jazz had to practically tackle the mech. (The Red Alert back home didn't like her much either…but she was just pointing out holes in his security! Actual saboteurs would use something far more harmful than paint and glitter- she was just trying to help! Really!)

Ratchet continued to fume, but his undoubtedly obscene reply was cut off as the door hissed open and Prowl walked in. The stoic tactician frowned slightly at the scene Red Alert was making as the Security Director's screeching reached new heights. He was getting close to rivalling Starscream, now.

"Ratchet, if you would?" Prowl nodded towards Red Alert. The grumpy medic snarled a curse, but reluctantly stomped over and forcibly knocked the SD offline. The room vented a silent sigh of relief as the constant assault on their audios ceased.

"Thank Primus," Steve muttered, rubbing his helm from where he was cowering behind the seemingly-indifferent Fixit.

The SIC returned his attention to the dimensional travelers at the Vehicon's comment. He caught and held Fixit's dark crimson gaze, the two of them staring at each other for a long moment.

"Did you notice Ravage's presence before you mentioned it?" the Praxian asked coolly, never once looking away from the Eradicon.

"…I noticed him approximately fifteen seconds before speaking up. The fifteen seconds were mostly used to figure out how I should indicate his presence," Fixit answered honestly, keeping her gaze steady.

Prowl contemplated her a few moments longer before nodding in acceptance. "Very well. However, now that the Decepticons are aware of your presence, for your own safety you will have to be confined to the Ark."

Steve scowled, but shrugged in resignation. Being an ex-Decepticon left one with a very accurate impression of how bad it would be to be a prisoner of his former faction. Especially if one was a carrying femme.

Fixit clenched her mandible, narrowed optics meeting the tactician's assessing gaze. "I will agree only so long as I am allowed to take periodic flights. I am better at dealing with confinement than other flyers-"

"So much better," Steve coughed.

The Eradicon ignored him, as well as the way the Autobots suddenly seemed more interested. "-but even I need to get out and fly occasionally. Whether that's with an escort or not, I don't care, so long as I can fly under my own power."

"Which you can't do for very long anyways, because it uses up too much power."

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

Prowl glanced over at Optimus, who was frowning slightly at Steve's comments. That didn't keep the Prime from nodding immediately, though. "Of course. You are our guests, not our prisoners."

"Thank Primus for that. Once was bad enough," Fixit muttered. Steve scowled at that. None of the Nemesis' former crew liked being reminded of the horrible condition the Eradicon always seemed to end up in whenever she escaped, whether it be from the Autobots, Starscream, or Predaking.

"Yah were ah prisoner of t' Autobo's afore?" Jazz asked curiously, sidling up to the glowering Eradicon. He looked faintly surprised when Steve turned his scowl on the saboteur, purposely moving protectively between the Porsche and the carrying femme.

"Back when we were still at war, yes. Steve, stop that. He's not going to hurt me," Fixit vented in exasperation. "Fraggin' overprotective moronic Roomba…"

The Vehicon muttered rebelliously to himself, but obediently retreated back behind the Eradicon.

"Sorry, Ah didn' realize i' was ah sensitive subjec'…" Jazz apologized sheepishly.

"I'm fine with it, but for some reason all the former crew of the Nemesis get all touchy whenever me escaping whoever my captor was at the time is mentioned…"

"Because you always come back with one pede in the Well," Steve fumed, optics narrowed and servos clenched into fists.

Fixit opened her mouth and paused. Then she closed it. And open. "Okay, can't exactly argue with that. Although I dunno why it sets you lot off so much…"

Steve stared flatly at the Eradicon. "Fixit, why does Soundwave get so pissed whenever someone hurts you?"

She frowned at him. "What does that have to do with-?"

"Just answer the question."

Both ex-Decepticons were aware of the Autobots watching attentively in the background, but just kind of ignored their presence. It's not like they would ever see them again after this was over, anyways.

Fixit raised her brow at the Vehicon, but answered anyways. "Because he's an overprotective, overly-possessive aft."

"And…?" Steve rolled his servo.

"And…he takes it as a personal insult?"

Servo, meet face. "…how Soundwave got anywhere with your oblivious aft, I'll never know…"

"Hey! What's that supposed to-"

"Fixit, why is he protective of you?"

"…because…I'm…umm…"

"Oh, for-! Because he cares about you. Because he _loves_ you."

The Autobots did a double-take. **"WHAT?!"**

"…what does that have to do with-"

"Slaggit, Fixit! You getting hurt bothers us because we love you!"

"_What!?"_

"Practically the entirety of the Nemesis' crew worships the ground you walk on, and most of the Decepticons that have chosen to follow Soundwave's lead and honor the peace treaty are being converted as well!"

_"WHAT!?"_

"Frag, some of them are even seriously contemplating starting a religion legitimately worshiping you!"

_**"WHAT!?"**_

"Nah, just kidding."

_**"STEVE!"**_

The Vehicon laughed as he fled the room full of stupefied Autobots, the furious Eradicon hot on his heels.

_**"GET BACK HERE AND LET ME MURDER YOU, YOU SLAGGER!"**_

* * *

_A/N: Ah, Steve. Way to end the chapter on an amusing note. But sadly, I can actually see some of the Roombas starting a religion around Fixit. (She'd be a wrathful deity of old, of course, demanding live bots brought to her temple (medbay) to sacrificed upon the ritual table (med berth) to appease her craving for fresh energon (repairs).)_

…_I should write a one-shot of that for Mischief Managed...yes! The Plot Z-Bunnies have finally struck again! Muahahahaha!_


	11. Presents and Pranks

Presents and Pranks

"_**Youngling…there's another thing you should probably be aware of…"**_

"_Primus, I swear, if you ask me to help fix this universe too…"_

"_**Well, um, that actually wasn't what I was going to talk about…now?"**_

"_YOU WERE PLANNING ON ASKING FOR MY HELP _AGAIN!?"

* * *

Steve scowled half-heartedly down at one of Fixit's old puzzles as he and the femme sat at a table in the rec room, along with Wheeljack and Bumblebee, who were discussing something neither ex-Con cared about. The Eradicon was steadily working her way through a datapad of medical information Ratchet had given her in an attempt to stave off any more cleaning. (She had moved on to cleaning random halls and rooms in her boredom. Red Alert was less than pleased about that, and shortly thereafter, so was everyone else.)

"Omnipotent," Steve muttered to himself. "That's the only explanation for how Fixit can solve these things so quickly. He's omnipotent."

The femme didn't even glance away from her 'pad as she thwacked the mech upside the helm. "I am not omnipotent."

The Vehicon scowled as he rubbed at his helm. "Between you, Soundwave, Jazz, and Prowl…yeah, you're pretty much omnipotent."

Fixit rolled her optics, finally looking up from her datapad. "We are not. And none of them are here, they're back home, which significantly decreases the amount of information I have access to. I don't have any of my usual sources here."

"Which you're already working on remedying."

"Obviously. Information is power, and greatly helps in getting away with pranks."

Steve dropped his helm to the table in exasperation as Wheeljack and Bumblebee looked half-incredulous, half-amused. "Of course that's your priority."

"It's always been my priority- how else am I going to stave off boredom!?"

"I would say work, but you do that too much as it is…"

"I do not- oh, wait! Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes!" Fixit bounced in her seat as her faceplates abruptly lit up in remembrance. "I can't believe I forgot! YES!"

Steve leaned away warily as the ecstatic Eradicon began rummaging around in her subspace. "…I'm very afraid now."

"What are you so happy about, Fixit?" Bumblebee asked carefully.

"AHA!" the femme cried triumphantly, pulling out a data storage device. Then she cackled happily as she cradled the device to her chestplates. "This, my sweet little Bee, is a present from Soundwave, Jazz, and Prowl. It is a record of pretty much every prank I have pulled on or around the _Nemesis!"_

**"Seriously!?"** Wheeljack and Bumblebee cried in unison.

Steve froze. "…every prank?" he whispered in horror.

Fixit pouted. "No, Soundwave deleted some of them. Something about them being too traumatizing. But Psychic Powers is still on here!"

The Vehicon just stared at her grinning visage for a long moment…and then he burst out laughing. "OH SWEET PRIMUS YES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The entire rec room watched incredulously as Steve and Fixit broke down into uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.

"What the frag is wrong with them?!" Sideswipe asked.

"…apparently, Fixit has security recordings of a prank he referred to as 'Psychic Powers.' Him just mentioning it was enough to set them off," Wheeljack answered, looking incredibly curious about this prank.

Sideswipe processed this for a moment before a grin began to spread across his face. He moved over to poke the winged femme now wheezing quietly on the floor from laughing too hard. "Hey, Fixit. Fixit. Fixit."

The Eradicon did a valiant job of calming down, clapping her servos over her mouth as she glanced up at the frontliner kneeling next to her. Steve was still just giggling uncontrollably next to her.

Side's grin turned evil. "Can we see the prank?"

* * *

"This is not a good idea," Prowl insisted. "The Twins do not need any more inspiration."

"Ah, c'mon, Prowler. Yah can' deny yer no' curious 'bout ta prank too," Jazz grinned over at his fellow officer as they sat with the other Autobots around the big screen in the rec room. Everyone had gathered to see the now-infamous recording of Fixit's prank, even though all they knew about it was that it was referred to as 'Psychic Powers,' and the very mention of it sent both Steve and Fixit into paroxysms of mad laughter.

The SIC scowled. "Self-preservation takes precedence over curiousity."

The saboteur snickered. "Too bad, mech. Yah've been overrule', so si' back an' enjoy t' show."

Prowl huffed in irritation at the reminder of how Prime had given this gathering the go-ahead despite his advice. Blasted mech was just as curious about the prank and their guests as the rest of the Ark.

Before them, the screen flickered on as Fixit fiddled with the remote. It showed…a disco place? Fixit turned up the volume and Steve immediately groaned. "Oh, not the Macarena prank…"

"Macarena prank?" Sideswipe asked curiously. Prowl felt an impending sense of doom.

"Yup!" the femme answered proudly. "That there is my first major renovation of the _Nemesis_ for a prank!"

There was a moment of stunned silence. "…that's the _Nemesis?"_ Hoist asked incredulously.

"After Fixit got to it that time, yes," Steve scowled. "Can't you fast forwards or something?"

"Fine, fine. Spoilsport," Fixit pouted even as she obligingly fast forwarded. Then she brightened. "Oh, Sheep!"

"NO, FIXIT!"

"Spoilsport."

"You can watch it later, but right now we're watching Psychic Powers! Pfft," Steve snickered involuntarily at the mention of the prank, triggering a similar reaction in the Eradicon.

"'ow many pranks 'ave yah pulled?" Jazz asked incredulously as the images blurred past.

"Too many," Steve muttered. "Ow!"

"Too many to count," Fixit beamed, retracting her servo from Steve's helm. "Oh, here we are!"

Everyone sat up or leaned forwards as Fixit hit play.

"Who are they?" Bluestreak asked curiously as the screen lit up to show a gray winged mech and a red mech.

"Starscream's the gray one, Knock Out's the red," Steve answered with a frown. "I don't remember this…"

"Nor do I…" the Eradicon replied thoughtfully, listening as the two recorded mechs talked.

"_WHAT!? You dare ignore-"_

_ "So Fixit turned you into a fleshy runway model, so what?"_

The Autobots laughed in surprise as they pictured that.

"That's awesome!" Sideswipe declared. Prowl felt a processor-ache coming on.

"_It's not the end of the world," Knock Out said dismissively, turning back to his work. "Besides, you don't have any evidence it was him."_

_ "No one ever has evidence it was Fixit," Starscream sulked, crossing his arms as he leaned against the table._

_ Knock Out paused. "True," he admitted. "Fixit's very good at removing all evidence of his involvement, even though everyone knows it's his fault."_

_ "What I want to know is how he manages to have such flawless alibis! Frag, the average amount of time dedicated to them is at least seven cycles, if not more! Cycles where he had to have been setting up his chaos, but no one ever finds any evidence whatsoever until the slagging thing is set off and his alibi has been firmly established!"_

Sideswipe whistled in surprised respect. Fixit just preened slightly under all the impressed and slightly disbelieving looks thrown her way. Prowl made a mental note to keep a more careful optic on the winged medic in the future.

_ "And as far as I can tell, no one- except maybe Lazerbeak from time to time- is covering for his absence!" KO turned from his work to commiserate with Creamer. "Frag, I've even stalked him non-stop for thirteen cycles, and he still somehow set up and unleashed a prank without me catching even so much as a hint of his activities! I have no idea how the frag he does it! No one does!"_

"Slag, femme. Ah think we need ta trade tips sometime, yeah?" Jazz called out. Fixit threw him a thumbs-up.

_ "Except Lazerbeak, and therefore, Soundwave," the Seeker said sourly, scowling at the ground._

_ Knock Out snorted. "Like anyone would ever be stupid enough to accuse him."_

_ "Hmm…" Starscream hummed absentmindedly in agreement, a thoughtful frown appearing on his face._

"How the frag did you get _Soundwave_ to cover for you!?" Blaster asked incredulously, voicing everyone's thoughts.

Fixit grinned. "We had a business arrangement."

_The red doctor huffed in irritation at his companion's distraction, but just shook his helm and decided to get back to work._

_ Only for Starscream to interrupt him almost immediately. "…oh, frag."_

_ KO's shoulders sagged in resignation. "What is it, Herr Commandant?" he asked tiredly, setting his tool down._

_ "Knock Out…Fixit has psychic powers."_

_ Pause._

_**"That's**_** how he came up with that!?"** Steve and Fixit cried in disbelief. _**"Seriously!?"**_

"You didn't come up with it?"

**"No!"**

_ "No, really!" the Seeker insisted at the medic's flat, incredulous look. "Think about it! He always sets it up without being detected, always sets it off without anything that could be used to trigger the pranks-"_

_ "He could just be using timers…"_

_ "He can't predict everything, and he always picks the perfect moment to set it off, the moment in which it will cause as much chaos as possible!"_

_ Knock Out vented heavily, turning to fully face the pacing SIC._

_ "He always mutters about modifications he has to make, modifications that then show up without him ever leaving view! Obviously, that means he is at the very least telepathic, so he can communicate with Lazerbeak, if not telekinetic, which means he does it himself!"_

_ "One- there is such a thing as comms. Two- you realize you sound utterly insane, right?"_

"That's because he is insane!" Fixit called out, making some bots laugh.

_ "It all makes perfect sense!" Starscream continued to rant, ignoring the medic, who wore a look of I-cannot-believe-you-are-this-stupid-I-am-so-totally-done-with-this. It was a very expressive look, for something that showed very little emotion. "It also explains why Soundwave won't rat him out! Psychics stick together, there's so few of them that they have to protect each other or risk going extinct!"_

_ Rubbing his helm, KO turned and began walking away as the doors to medbay slid open._

_ "Knock Out!" Fixit cried happily, throwing his arms in the air as he bounced through the doorway, dragging an unfortunate Roomba behind him._

_ Starscream yelped in fright, jumping back behind a table. _

The Autobots burst out laughing at the Seeker's reaction.

_The entire room just paused, turning to stare at him incredulously, but he was too focused on Fixit to notice._

_ "…KO?"_

_ "…yes?"_

_ "What the frag is wrong with Creamer?" Fixit frowned in mild concern. Like frag she wanted her favorite target hurt or otherwise incapacitated in some way._

_ "Many things, my Apprentice. Many things."_

"Truer words have never been spoken!" Sides laughed, his compatriots following suit.

_ "Knock Out, get away from him! Quickly!" Creamer gestured frantically, slowly edging towards the door._

_ Fixit gave KO a baffled glance. The red doctor vented in irritation._

_ "He's convinced-"_

_ "Don't tell him!"_

_ "-you have psychic powers."_

_ The Eradicon stared as Starscream wailed "Now he's going to offline us all!" in the background._

"He's such a drama queen," Fixit snickered.

"Which just made him that much more fun to torment, right?" Steve asked dryly.

"Exactly!"

_ "…psychic powers."_

_ "Yep."_

_ "Psychic. Powers."_

_ "Yes Fixit, I said that already."_

_ "Well that's just ridiculous!" the medical Apprentice exclaimed, making a dismissive gesture._

_ And then a chair shot backwards across the room away from his servo._

The Autobots' jaws dropped.

_ Everyone stared. Then, slowly, they turned to Fixit._

_ He vented, propping a servo on his hip. "Well, frag. I guess I've been found out."_

_ "…you have psychic powers?" Knock Out breathed, staring at his Apprentice in horror._

_ "I told you so!" Starscream exclaimed, only to quiet when Fixit glanced at him._

_ "Alas, my cover has been blown. I cannot terrorize you in secret any longer. Whatever shall I do?" the Eradicon tossed his helm back dramatically, a servo resting on his forehelm. "Oh wait, I know." He grinned, making KO and Creamer gulp. "I'll just terrorize you in public instead!"_

_ Knock Out and Starscream glanced at each other…and then ran screaming from the room, Fixit's maniacal laughter following them._

_ "You can run, but you can't hide!" he cackled in glee._

"An' yah accused Screamer o' bein' a drama queen," Jazz laughed along with the rest of the room.

"Hey, I choose to be a drama queen. Creamer's one naturally!" Fixit chuckled.

_ Steve stared blankly at the corridor the two officers had run down. "…do you have psychic powers?"_

_ "No, of course not, don't be ridiculous," Fixit said dismissively, striding over to grab the chair and put it back. "But who am I to dissuade them from thinking otherwise?"_

_ "Then how did you…?"_

_ "Nice timing, guys!"_

_ The Vehicon glanced back to see the Eradicon congratulating Ravage and Lazerbeak, who had crawled out from under the desk the chair was at. "Oh."_

The Autobots were torn between incredulity and laughter at the fact that the Eradicon had gotten what was clearly Lazerbeak and Ravage's counterparts to help the femme prank Starscream and Knock Out.

After a few moments, laughter won.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Real Life has just been sucky, lately. Plus, writer's block. But the Z-Bunnies have finally returned!_


	12. Tinfoil Crusaders

Tinfoil Crusaders

"_**I wasn't going to ask right now, and I just want you to-!"**_

"_YOU WERE STILL PLANNING ON ASKING ME, YOU FRAGGIN' BASTARD!"_

"_**GAAAAAAAHHH! DON'T KILL ME!"**_

"_GET BACK HERE AND LET ME SHOVE YOU THROUGH A WOOD CHIPPER, YOU FRAGGER!"_

* * *

_Starscream and Knock Out huddled in an out-of-the-way closet in terror._

"_What are we going to do!?" Creamer wailed quietly._

"_We're so fragged," KO sobbed into his servos._

The Autobots just laughed and laughed.

"Frag, femme! What'd you do to make them so terrified of you?!" Smokescreen called out as the scene changed again.

"He exists," Steve muttered.

"Who's that?" Cliffjumper asked, spotting the giant gray mech. Fixit and Steve didn't bother answering, as his identity was immediately obvious to everyone in the room once they heard him.

_Megatron scowled. "Where are those worthless slaggers!?"_

**"That's Megatron!?"** the Autobots gaped.

"He's huge," Bluestreak squeaked.

"_I believe they're currently cowering in fear in a supply closet, sir," repressed amusement could clearly be heard in Fixit's voice as he walked onto the bridge._

"_What did you do now," Breakdown groaned, covering his one good optic with his servo._

"That's Breakdown," Steve piped up. "Knock Out's partner."

"_Amusingly enough, nothing besides playing along. Somehow, they've convinced themselves I have 'psychic powers.'"_

"_Psychic powers," Breaks said flatly, expressing the sentiments of everyone on the bridge._

"_Yep."_

"_And why, exactly, would this terrify them into hiding in a closet like sparklings?" Megatron inquired dangerously._

"…_I'm not entirely sure, but…I think they think that my 'psychic powers,'" the entire bridge could hear the quotation marks, "are how I manage to pull off all my pranks."_

"…_are they?"_

_Soundwave, Megatron, and Fixit all turned to stare mildly incredulously at Breakdown and the Roombas behind him._

"Is he serious?" someone called out.

"Sadly…yes, he was," Fixit answered. "He and the Roombas were so gullible sometimes…"

"…_no. Because I don't have psychic powers. I wouldn't have to do nearly as much work if I actually was psychic…"_

_Megatron vented irritably. He was surrounded by idiots._

"…wow, they're stupid."

"And the more of them there are, the stupider they get," Fixit muttered irritably as the scene changed again.

"_That's it!" Starscream snapped, standing as upright as he could in the cramped space. "I refuse to let Fixit win!"_

"_We're gonna die, we're gonna die-"_

"_Knock Out, stop cowering and help me think of a way to end his Reign of Terror!"_

_KO paused in his panicking. "…we just found out Fixit's psychic…and you want to try and take out Megatron?"_

"…_no, you moron," Creamer facepalmed. "We're going to stop Fixit."_

"_Oh."_

"…"

"…_well, I feel stupid now."_

_Starscream just vented in despair._

The Autobots just laughed. Idiots.

"_How long are you going to draw this out?" Breakdown asked curiously._

"_Not very," Fixit said dismissively, unaware of Megatron turning his helm slightly to listen in. "I'm gonna tell Creamer and KO next time I seem them that it was a prank. Their fear's amusing, but it's cutting into their ability to work and we can't have that."_

_The Warlord raised one brow. Interesting. That was not what he had expected to hear, judging by the Eradicon's reputation._

Fixit frowned. "I didn't realize Megatron had heard that…"

Steve rolled his optics. "You have the strangest blind spot when it comes to Megatron."

"What? No I don't-"

"Shh, listen."

"…_are you sure this will work?"_

"_Of course! I looked it up on the humans' data network- they have far more psychics to deal with than we do. Especially rogue psychics."_

"…_it clashes horribly with my paint…"_

"_Do you want to end Fixit's Reign of Terror or not?!"_

"…_fine…"_

"Oh, Primus…" Fixit laughed in horror. "That's how they came up with that?"

"The perils of the Internet…" Steve muttered. "Wait and see," he added to the curious Autobots.

They didn't have to wait long.

"_Fixit!"_

"_Hey Cream- what." The Eradicon just…stared. Starscream was pointing a long, thin pipe at her like a sword, whilst Knock Out cowered behind him, using an extra panel of flooring as a shield. But that wasn't why she was staring._

_Oh no._

_She was staring because they were both wearing clearly improvised tinfoil armor. Ridiculous-looking tinfoil armor._

The Autobots were practically dying by now. Frag, even Prowl was laughing slightly!

"_We have come to put an end to your Reign of Terror, foul beast!" Starscream proclaimed dramatically, his tinfoil hat wobbling dangerously on his helm. "No longer shall you frighten us into submission! Now is our time to rise!"_

_Stare._

Sideswipe fell off his chair, he was laughing so hard. Steve was leaning heavily on Fixit as he laughed his aft off, not having seen this part before.

"_Yes! The neutralizing effects of the tinfoil are beginning to take its toll on the beast! Knock Out, commence with phase two!"_

_The red doctor gave the needle full of liquefied tinfoil in his servo a dubious look as Fixit continued to just stare. "…I don't think this will work…"_

"_Well, it certainly won't work if you don't use it! Inject him already, and free us from his Reign!"_

_Stare._

"_But what if it hurts him?"_

_Stare._

"_That's the point, you idiot! Stab him!"_

_Stare._

"_What!? No! I'm not going to hurt my Apprentice! Why would I go through all the trouble of teaching him just to turn around and risk him forgetting what he's learned by hurting him!?"_

_The doors opened behind them as Steve walked in. The tinfoiled-ones continued on obliviously._

Most of the Autobots had been relocated to the floor by now. Jazz was hiccupping occasionally next to Prowl's pedes as he doubled over in laughter on the floor.

"_The psychic powers are part of him, we can't get rid of them without hurting him!"_

_The Vehicon looked from Starscream and Knock Out…to Fixit…and back…and forth…and back…and forth…_

"_But…isn't there any other way?"_

_Fixit gave Steve a meaningful look. He reset his optical band…and cackled._

"_Alas…I fear there is not. But rest easy, the removal of his powers shall not offline him. It'll merely make him suffer greatly for the rest of his miserable life."_

_Steve sauntered past the still-oblivious officers and hid himself behind a pile of scrap, otherwise known as ammunition._

The Autobots laughed even harder as they realized the Fixit and Steve in the recording were planning something.

"_The rest of his-!?"_

_Fixit leaned back against the desk, bringing one pede up to rest on the edge of her stool as she wrapped her arms around her knee._

"_He deserves it."_

"_He doesn't-!"_

"_Knock Out. The Heart-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named."_

"…"

"…"

"…_Fixit! Get over here and let me inject you!"_

"So much…for not wanting…to hurt you!" Hound gasped out between laughs.

"_Sorry, KO," the Eradicon drawled casually as the doctor warily (and wrathfully) approached her. "But I enjoy abusing my powers far too much to give them up. Ta-ta!"_

_She began flicking her servo as Steve started chucking scrap randomly from out of sight, causing the Tinfoil Crusaders to scream like little girls and flee for their lives._

Fixit, giggling uncontrollably, paused the video as the laughter reached new heights. It wouldn't do for them to miss anything, now would it?

The femme glanced up at a vent and winked discreetly at the lurking, red-opticed form desperately attempting to muffle its laughter. Oh, how she wished she could be there when the G1 Decepticons saw this footage…

Turning her attention back to the rest of the room, she waited a few more moments for them to calm down a little more. "Right, you ready to get back to the recordings?"

"Primus, yes, please!" Sideswipe gasped, leaning against his snickering twin's legs.

"Watch the paint," Sunstreaker flicked the red twin's helm lightly as Fixit obligingly restarted the vid.

* * *

_A/N: Not a whole lot of plot development this chapter. Mostly just filler. Hilarious filler, but still filler._

_Also, people have been asking me about Toaster. So, I'll give you one fact:_

_**He's already there.**_

_XD_


	13. Sharing

Sharing

"_I AM NOT YOUR FRAGGIN' HANDYMAN, PRIMUS! I WILL NOT FIX ALL OF YOUR MISTAKES FOR YOU!"_

"…_**can I hire you then? GAAAAH, MY LEG!"**_

"_DIE, YOU MORONIC GLITCHY AFT-HELMED EXCUSE OF A SOOTY BROKEN CHIMNEY FAN!"_

"_**SOLUS, HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!"**_

"…_Fixit, please calm down. You can return to killing Primus later, but first there's something you really need to know, regardless of whether you agree to help or not."_

* * *

"_Well, that failed miserably. What now, Herr Commandant?"_

"…_we keep trying. What else can we do?"_

"Idiots. Should've just given up then, would've saved themselves a lot of trauma…" Steve muttered. Fixit snickered gleefully.

"_Attack!" Starscream screeched, leaping out from behind the startled Roombas, who supposedly hadn't realized he was there. Knock Out followed him reluctantly._

_Fixit, without looking away from the Vehicon she was repairing, swept her servo dramatically. Oversized neon marbles spilled across the floor from out of nowhere, making the Tinfoil Crusaders shriek as they lost their balance and fell heavily. They beat a hasty (albeit clumsy) retreat._

_The Eradicon snickered and high-fived the Roombas as Knock Out's wails over his ruined paint faded into the distance. Subspaces were so useful…_

Sideswipe was liable to wrench something, he was laughing so hard. Of course, most of the bots weren't better off either.

"_This isn't working."_

**"NO FRAG!"** many bots called out at once.

"_No frag, Creamer. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to fetch Breakdown's assistance in buffing out these scratches-"_

"_Knock Out, you're a genius!"_

"…_what?"_

"Not that that means much, coming from Creamer," the Eradicon snickered, inciting more laughter.

_Breakdown slowly reset his optic, staring blankly at the twitchy tinfoiled mechs in front of him._

"_You want me…to join you."_

"_Yes! We need all the allies we can get, if we want to take out the Sith Lord of Terror-"_

"That's when they started calling me that?"

"_Ohfragherehecomesrun!"_

"_**AAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"**_

If cybertronians could cry, the entirety of the room would be crying tears of joy and hilarity.

_The blue mech stared incredulously after the fleeing mechs._

"_Hey Breaks, what up?"_

"…_Fixit?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"…_I want in," the orange-faced mech grinned evilly. It was time for some petty revenge on his partner._

"They're so fragging doomed!" Sideswipe cackled gleefully.

"I love this prank, it escalates so brilliantly…" Steve giggled.

"Without much aid from me, even!" Fixit bounced slightly in her seat.

"_You're back from your scouting mission already, Herr Commandant?"_

"…_Knock Out…"_

"…_what is it? What's wrong?"_

_The Tinfoil Commander grasped his medic's shoulders. "I'm-"_

"_Watch the paint!"_

"Sunstreaker and Tracks," Fixit coughed, earning her a glare from said vain mechs, along with plenty of laughter.

"_-so sorry, but…the Sith Lord has indoctrinated Breakdown into his ranks. He is now an enemy."_

_Knock Out fell to his knees in grief and terror. "No…"_

_Starscream hardened his resolve. "We will bring Darth Fixit down, no matter the cost!"_

"How the frag did they find out about the Star Wars skit anyways?" Steve asked the Eradicon.

She just shrugged. "I dunno. Soundwave, maybe?"

"Star Wars ski'?"

"Later, Jazz."

_Fixit idly skipped back and forth, occasionally gesturing with wide sweeps of her arms to trigger a (hidden) attack from either Breakdown, Lazerbeak, the Toaster, and/or the Roombas. Knock Out and Starscream doggedly kept after her, in spite of how banged up they were getting._

"Wow, they're persistent," Hound remarked, mildly impressed despite himself.

"Too persistent for their own good," Fixit rolled her optics. "Idiots should've just given up, would've saved themselves a lot of pain and terror…"

_The Eradicon danced by Soundwave in the halls, waving cheerfully at him as she passed._

"Who's-?"

"That's Soundwave," Fixit answered.

**"Seriously!?"**

_The Tinfoil Crusaders followed moments later…only to fall flat on their faceplates as the one of the TIC's tentacles swiftly swept their pedes out from under them._

The Autobots didn't know whether to laugh or gape. The femme got even _Soundwave_ to help with the prank!? And what was up with the tentacles!?

_Soundwave continued calmly on his way to the sound of Fixit's delighted laughter, giving no outward signs that he had anything to do with their fall._

"He did that completely of his own volition, you know," Fixit remarked offhandedly. "I wouldn't have asked Soundwave to help, mostly because I thought he wouldn't even consider it. And most of the time, he didn't. This prank was just an exception."

Steve grinned maniacally. "In many ways…"

_(The Tinfoil Crusaders wisely decided to retreat in the face of overwhelming odds. And they weren't running away from Fixit's mad laughter, no, of course not, what do you mean?)_

**"Time skip!" **Fixit and Steve cackled together as the scenes of Starscream and Knock Out's suffering began to fly by.

_The cycles passed by, and the Tinfoil Crusaders grew ever more desperate (and paranoid)._

_Fixit and her army of 'psychic minions' began coming up with more and more elaborate plots._

_Megatron was torn between mad laughter and utter frustration at his SIC and medic's antics. Even he couldn't deny that they had brought this on themselves._

"Megsy le' yah continue!?" Jazz asked in disbelief, staring at the utterly exasperated gray mech on the screen.

"Oh, not just continue…" Steve chuckled evilly.

Fixit cackled.

_Starscream and Knock Out twitched their ways through setting up booby traps for Fixit…_

…_never noticing the two symbionts sneaking behind them, disabling everything they set up mere nano-klicks after they turned their backs._

Blaster's cassettes were inspired. So were Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. And Jazz. Prowl groaned softly in despair.

_Every attempt at gaining an ally ended in failure, as the Sith Lord of Terror indoctrinated everyone they talked to into his ranks…and eventually, even those they didn't talk to._

"How many bots did you get in on this prank?" Mirage asked in disbelief.

Fixit grinned. "Eventually…all of them."

"Except Megatron," Prowl muttered, rubbing his helm.

The dimensional travelers just grinned.

"…no," Jazz whispered incredulously. Their grins grew, before they pointed back at the screen.

_Resorting to desperate measures, the Tinfoil Crusaders began setting up arcane rituals everywhere, and carrying holy water and salt with them at all times._

_(Fixit had hysterics when Soundwave notified her of this. Breakdown and the Roombas didn't get it. Megatron just leaned his face against his servo, torn between amusement and exasperation.)_

Fixit burst into hysterics again when that part came up. Steve just shook his helm at the overly amused femme.

_ "FragfragfragfragfragI'mnotgoingtogetthereintimefragfragfrag-" Steve chanted as he ran through the halls, attempting to reach his position before Fixit and the unknowingly-herded Tinfoil Crusaders reached the trap. "Frag!" He was too late, they were already there, he couldn't get across the room without being seen, oh frag that was his cue-_

_ The long pipe, with its dangerously sharpened end, flew across the room to skim the tops of Starscream and Knock Out's helm, spearing their tinfoil hats against the wall. They shrieked in terror, desperately covering their helms with their servos, and ran for their lives._

_ The entire room burst out laughing as the door shut behind them._

The Autobots just about died. The little spy up in the vent finally lost the fight against their laughter, but no one heard them over the rest of the commotion.

_ "Nice throw, Steve!" Fixit cackled, honestly impressed. "Great improvisation! That was way better than the original plan!"_

_ "That wasn't me…" he said slowly._

_ "Why thank you, Fixit," Megatron said calmly as he walked across the room to retrieve his makeshift spear, secretly reveling in his subordinates' reactions as they all froze in shock. _

The Autobots' laughter abruptly stopped in favor of gaping incredulously at the screen.

"_It was a bit spur-of-the-moment, I must admit…but I did so enjoy throwing it at Starscream's helm."_

_ Hefting the spear in his arm, he turned and walked out…to the sound of thunderous applause and wild cheering, led by the crazy Eradicon medic._

_**"MEG-A-TRON! MEG-A-TRON! MEG-A-TRON!"**_

Prowl glitched.

**"WHAT THE FRAG!? HOW DID YOU GET **_**MEGATRON**_** IN ON THE PRANK!?"** the Autobots rounded on Fixit as she paused the vid feed.

The little spy up in the vent looked like they wanted to copy their enemies.

"I didn't ask him to," Fixit cackled gleefully. "He did it completely of his own accord. It was amazing!"

"Definitely…the high point…of that prank," Steve gasped, leaning heavily on the Eradicon next to him.

"Now, let us continue!" Fixit unpaused the feed before the still-gaping Autobots could say anything else.

_ "This isn't working!" Knock Out hissed, twitching madly as he looked around jumpily._

_ "You think I haven't noticed that!?" Starscream snarled back at the beat-up doctor as they stood back-to-back in the closet. After all, they had no way of knowing when or where the next attack would come from._

"This is why Megatron let you handle some of the punishments," Steve snickered to Fixit. "You're so fraggin' creative."

The Autobots continued to stare in disbelief.

_ "Fixit."_

_ "Sir?" the Eradicon came to attention as she stood on the bridge plotting with Lazerbeak, Breakdown, and Steve._

_ "Since Starscream and Knock Out are currently…indisposed…I am sending you after the next relic. Do not fail me," Megatron warned the Apprentice Medic, keeping his attention on the screens around his TIC. To his mild horror, he had found himself becoming slightly…fond…of the utterly crazy, yet undeniably loyal and efficient mech._

_ "Sir yes sir!"_

"YES! I LOVE THIS PART!" Fixit cackled gleefully, remembering how she messed with the Autobots. "Here come the Autobots from our universe!"

The Autobots' attention snapped back to the screen at that.

_ "The Sith Lord of Terror has been dispatched on a mission for Megatron," Starscream whispered to the only vaguely-red medic as he returned from his foray into enemy territory. "Now is our chance."_

"Only, you know, we sabotaged all their efforts…" Steve grinned. The Eradicon snickered.

_ Fixit hummed thoughtfully as she peeked over the cliff at the Autobots. So the relic was somewhere back in that cave, huh…?_

_ She slid back down to her one personally-picked Eradicon Roomba. "Okay Greg, here's the plan…"_

"Those are us?"

"No, those were just the Autobots on Earth at that time. Ryan should be coming up soon, though…" Fixit trailed off.

_"Ryan?"_ several of them mouthed in confusion.

_ "Why am I always bait?" GR-3G whined, peering around the corner._

_ "Because you're one of the best evasive fliers on the Nemesis. Now suck it up and get out there!" Fixit clapped him on the shoulder and then promptly disappeared into the dusk, heading towards the cave._

_ "I hate my life…" Greg sulked, but obediently took off and let off a couple of wild shots towards the Autobots. "Die, Autoscum!"_

"Sucks to be you, Greg," Fixit snickered.

_ Inside the cavern, Optimus Prime and Bulkhead had just unburied the clearly-broken relic when they heard the sounds of battle from outside._

"Who-?"

"Bulkhead and Optimus Prime, otherwise known to Fixit as 'Ryan,'" Steve grinned.

"…why Ryan?" Optimus asked in confusion.

"Nickname based off of Orion Pax. It's a long story," Fixit answered. "Now shush!"

_ "Go," Optimus nodded at his soldier. "I will be right behind you."_

_ "You got it, boss," Bulkhead nodded, running on ahead._

_ The Prime picked up the relic carefully…and then spun at a noise behind him, drawing his sword. He surveyed the cavern carefully, but couldn't find anything. The relic in his servo shifted slightly, drawing his attention to…a rock the same size and weight as the relic!?_

The Autobots choked in shock. What the frag!?

"Did you set up a camera or something before you went in?" Steve muttered to Fixit.

"Maybe…"

_Optimus spun around in confusion, dropping the rock in the process. "Who's there?! Show yourself!" he commanded._

_ A quiet, deep chuckle, along with a winged shadow holding the silhouette of the relic falling over him, were his only answers. Optimus charged along the tunnel leading out, but the shadow disappeared completely, leaving him to stumble out into his soldiers firing at a Decepticon jet drone. A jet drone that was quite clearly taunting them with its elaborate maneuvers through the skies._

_ Suddenly, a second drone shot into the sky from off to the left, carrying the broken relic beneath it. The two drones roared off into the distance swiftly, nimbly dodging the futile shots fired after them by the Autobots._

"Righ', t' minute tis is ova, yah an' Ah are tradin' tips," Jazz stated to Fixit.

"Should be fun!" she chirped happily, still snickering at the one she had pulled over on Ryan.

The Autobots were snickering quietly again.

_ "I hate being bait," Greg grumbled to himself as Fixit just continued cackling madly about the video he had taken. Apparently the crazy mech had pulled a good one on the Prime._

_ They passed through the Groundbridge, Fixit's cackling not abating in the slightest._

"I love my Megatron…" Fixit cackled gleefully, gaining her loads of incredulous stares.

"You'll see," Steve told them, turning back to the screen with an anticipatory grin.

_ "Well?" Megatron asked, turning to face the Eradicon medic with one brow raised._

_ Fixit grimaced, producing the utterly-slagged relic. "The relic was retrieved successfully, sir. Unfortunately…it was already broken long before anyone got there."_

_ The former gladiator snarled in frustration. "Slag it. Do you have any idea what it is…was?"_

_ Fixit cocked her helm as she heard Starscream and Knock Out huddle by the door to the bridge. And then a grin spread over her face._

"And thus it ends," the Eradicon muttered with a grin.

_**:No clue, sir. It's far too broken for that.:**__ Fixit said over the comm, even as she said out loud "It…appears to remove psychic powers. Sir."_

_ Megatron stared at her for a long moment. "…it removes psychic powers," he deadpanned._

_ "…yes sir."_

_ "…and you know this…how?" he asked, a hint of amusement creeping into his tone._

_ The Eradicon scowled. "Because apparently it had just enough juice left to remove my abilities before short-circuiting. Sir," she muttered faux-irritably, shoulders shaking in repressed laughter._

_ The entire bridge muffled laughter as they heard the Tinfoil Crusaders wail "OH THANK PRIMUS, WE'RE SAVED!" as they broke down sobbing._

The Autobots started laughing hysterically again.

_ Megatron's lips twitched as he fought to keep his face straight. It was a battle both he and Fixit were losing, although the Eradicon was fairing far worse than he._

_ "Well then…" he drawled, amusement shining in his optics as the Apprentice Medic covered her mouth with her servo. "…I suppose I'll have to keep it away from Soundwave. Just in case."_

_ They both snorted in unison at the sound of Starscream and Knock Out squeaking in terror…_

_ …and then a loud clang rang out as they both glitched into the doorway, unable to take the strain any longer._

_ Laughter won the battle as the entire bridge burst into hysterics._

The Autobots stared in disbelief at Megatron's actions…but slowly, laughter overtook them again. Oh sweet Primus, that was hilarious! Yes!

Fixit was the only one to notice the little spy slip away under the cover of the laughter. Oh, to be a fly on the wall when the Decepticons saw that recording…

* * *

Starscream was screeching at the indignity. The other Decepticons were just down and out for the count from debilitating laughter.

Megatron didn't know whether to gape or laugh at his counterpart's actions. Why the frag was he so fond of that strange drone!? Admittedly, the drone was rather amusing…but still!

Soundwave was mildly amused, but mostly just intrigued. He was also wondering why he was so fond of the drone. This required further study…

* * *

_A/N: Here's a brief look at the G1 Decepticons! Enjoy!_

_And thus, Fixit will be stalked by yet another Soundwave. Her Wave isn't going to be too happy about that…_


	14. Not Alone

Not Alone

"_And just what, _exactly_, is so important for me to know?"_

"_Don't look at me. This is Primus' fault, so he gets to tell you."_

"_**Traitor. Umm…well, you see…you'renottheonlypersonfromyourfirstlifeinthisuniverse."**_

"…_what?"_

* * *

"WHY THE FRAG WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU MORON!? NO WONDER YOU BLOW YOUR GLITCHY SELF TO KINGDOM COME ALL THE FRAGGIN' TIME!"

Steve snickered as he listened to Fixit berate Wheeljack. The Vehicon was sitting outside the open door to the engineer's lab as the Eradicon, the walking lightshow, Skyfire and Perceptor all tried to figure out how Wheeljack had accidentally kidnapped the two ex-Cons. So far, all they had figured out was that the engineer was a suicidal moron (at least according to Fixit).

"I fail to understand why you believe Wheeljack's actions to be such a bad thing," Perceptor asked the Eradicon.

A clang rang out. Steve peeked inside to see Fixit had facepalmed. "I'm surrounded by morons," the medic groaned, dragging his servo down his faceplates. "Okay, look at the slaggin' thing. What do you see?"

"A perfectly functional miniature solar-powered generator," the microscope answered, his colleagues agreeing with him.

"Look at everything, not just the generator."

"What do you mean?" Skyfire asked, frowning down at the device as Wheeljack reached out to poke it. Fixit slapped his servo away irritably.

"Oh, for Primus' sake- do _any_ of you know what a half-broken personal space bridge looks like?" the Eradicon moaned in despair.

**"Half-broken personal space bridge!?"** they exclaimed in shock.

"I was making a space bridge!?" Wheeljack gaped.

Fixit froze. "…I'm sorry, I could've sworn you just said you didn't realize you were making a personal space bridge."

"I've never made a space bridge before, and I didn't even know it was possible to make a personal space bridge! The only ones I've ever seen were much bigger than my torso!"

Silence.

Steve promptly shot to his pedes and made a break for it.

**"…YOU CREATED A PERSONAL SPACE BRIDGE BY FRAGGIN' **_**ACCIDENT WITHOUT ANY EXPERIENCE WITH SPACE BRIDGES WHATSO-FRAGGIN'-EVER!? **__**HOW THE FRAG HAVE YOU NOT YET IMPLODED THIS ENTIRE FRAGGIN' PLANET YOU HALF-SCRAPPED MORONIC **_**ROOMBA!"**

* * *

Wheeljack was sulking in the rec room. Fixit had banished him from his lab until he had learned by heart every single scrap of information on the datapads about Spacebridges the Eradicon had brought with her. (She got bored easily, alright?!) Perceptor and Skyfire were still allowed in the labs because they hadn't had anything to do with the engineer's latest near-disaster.

The Lancia had appealed to Prime and the other officers, but after Fixit had told them the reasons behind the banishment (namely that it was a slaggin' miracle Wheeljack hadn't destroyed the entire solar system yet by messing around with concepts he didn't understand), they had backed the ex-Con up on her decision. Hence why the engineer was currently pouting in the rec room.

"What are you doing Wheeljack? I thought you and Skyfire and Perceptor and Fixit were going to try and figure out a way to get Fixit and Steve back home?" Bluestreak asked, coming up to the engineer's table.

"Didn' yah hea', Blue? Jackie go' banished from 'is lab," Jazz called from the next table over.

"Really? Why?" Sideswipe asked, having just walked in.

Wheeljack sunk further down in his seat, indicators flashing an embarrassed pink, as Jazz proceeded to explain just why Fixit had seen fit to banish the mech from his domain.

* * *

"So how's the scoutin' goin'?"

Irritated huff.

"That good, huh?"

* * *

Fixit collapsed on her berth in she and Steve's shared room. "Why is it my fate to be surrounded by morons," she whined melodramatically.

The Vehicon ignored her in favor of trying to solve the stupid fragging puzzle. How the frag did the Eradicon do this slag so quickly!?

She scowled briefly at his lack of interest, even though she didn't really care all that much. Rolling over to lie on her back, she tucked her arms behind her helm as her expression faded to a neutral state. The past few cycles had been…interesting, to say the least. Frag, it'd actually only been five since Wheeljack accidentally kidnapped them, hadn't it?

Damn.

…fuck it, she wanted her family back! Why the slag did shit like this keep happening to her!? She was going to murder Primus when she saw him next for letting this happen to her and Steve!

Well, at least she had Toaster. Even if he was busy being a creeper elsewhere…

Ah, backup plans. Like she'd actually trust these Autobots with everything right up front. She was a successful Decepticon for a reason, thank you!

* * *

"Have you thoroughly studied the datapads I supplied you with?"

"…yes."

"Have you figured out what idiocy you were performing?"

"…"

"Sorry, what was that?"

"…yes."

"Will you ever do it again?"

"…no."

"Then I welcome you back to our nerd fest, 'Jackie. Come, let us get our geek on!"

* * *

"Hey Jazz!"

"Rie! Wha's up, little lady?"

"…you know how when I got dragged back here with you guys, the Transformers stuff in my bag came too?"

"Yeah, wha' abou' i'?"

"Well…the boxed set of the Transformers: Prime series…it's kind of…duplicating itself."

"…wha'?"

"But, Jazz…it's not just duplicating. It's also changing the story slightly. I've been watching them side by side with the original DVDs to compare, and there's a new character there- a Vehicon designated Fixit. He's apparently Knock Out's apprentice."

"…"

"…Jazz?"

"…Ah'll send Blue t' come pick yah up t'morrow. Make sure t' bring both versions o' t' series, yeah?"

"Okay, but…why? You think this is really that big of a deal?"

"…Ah'll tell yah more abou' i' t'morrow. Sleep well, Marie."

"…you too, Jazz."

* * *

"…hey Steve?"

"Yes, Sadist?"

"…I'm gonna try something. Can you…I dunno, keep watch whilst I do so?"

The Vehicon glanced up curiously from the puzzle (the slagging things were addicting!) to stare at the frowning, unusually-serious Fixit. "…of course. Always."

She vented as she moved to perch on her berth. "'Kay. Thanks. I don't…_think_ this'll work, but it's worth a shot, I guess…"

Steve frowned as well. "What exactly are you planning to do?"

"If it works? I'm gonna scold Primus. If not, well, then I'll just be meditating for a while," she said wryly as she sat cross-legged on the berth. And then she pulled out the softly glowing Forge of Solus Prime from her subspace and casually set it across her lap, causing Steve to sputter incredulously.

"WHEN THE FRAG DID YOU GET YOUR SERVOS ON THE FORGE!?"

She raised a brow at him. "It's been my primary weapon ever since that final battle with Unicron. Although I guess I haven't really had a reason to use it since then, apart from that one battle in Bayverse…meh, whatever. Meditation time!"

Steve was left gaping as the Eradicon stilled, retreating into her mind.

And then the Forge began to glow brighter, casting a soft white light across the room.

* * *

_A/N: Aaannnnnnd…yet another plot twist has been added._

_MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_*Cough*_

_Heh. Kudos and virtual cookies to whoever figures out who I'm referring to in this chapter. She'll be quite important later on. I've also indirectly referred to her massive amounts of times during Fixit's journey._

_This'll probably be the last update till at least the second or third week of June. Working with 1__st__ graders is taking up most of my time and energy right now. Ugh._

_If you're confused about anything in this author's note, go back and reread Primus' last quote at the top of the chapter very carefully._

_Muahaha._


	15. Panic Attacks

Panic Attacks

"_WHAT THE SLAG DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT THE ONLY PERSON FROM MY ORIGINAL UNIVERSE HERE!? WHO ELSE IS HERE!?"_

"_**Youngling, calm down-!"**_

"_I'M FINALLY HAPPY, PRIMUS! THERE'S NO SLAGGIN' WAY I'M LETTING THEM TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME AGAIN! I WON'T!"_

"_Fixit, stop! You're going to hurt yourself!"_

"_I WILL RIP THEM APART WITH MY BARE FRAGGIN' SERVOS IF I HAVE TO, I WON'T LET THEM RUIN MY LIFE AGAIN!"_

* * *

"It is good to see you again, Marie," Optimus smiled down at the red-haired woman riding on Jazz's shoulder. He was the last to greet their newest human friend- Prowl, Ratchet, Wheeljack, and Ironhide had already said hello. The other officers were on duty.

She grinned back at him. "It's good to see you too, Boss-bot. So, you have any idea why Jazz was so insistent on me bringing the TF: Prime series? I couldn't get anything out of him on the ride over. Well, besides the fact that Wheeljack accidentally kidnapped some poor saps from another universe," she added.

"I didn't mean to," the engineer whined for the millionth time. He was never going to live this down!

Optimus chuckled, shaking his helm. "I am afraid I do not. Jazz?"

"Tell 'im wha' yah told meh," the saboteur told Marie. Shrugging, she did just that. And just like Jazz, the Bots went very quiet and still when they heard the designation of the extra Vehicon.

"You are sure the extra Vehicon's designation is Fixit?" Prowl questioned, frowning slightly.

"Well, Starscream and Knock Out only yell it fifty zillions times or so…" the red-head answered sarcastically. "Why is this so important?"

The Autobots shared a glance. "Our guests are modified Vehicons…and one of them is designated Fixit," Optimus revealed.

Marie stared. "…are you fraggin' serious?"

"Language, femme," Ratchet chastised instantly.

* * *

"_PRIMUS!"_

"_**I didn't do it!"**_

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DIDN'T DO IT!? MY SPARK'S TOO UNSTABLE FOR ME TO KINDLE SUCCESSFULLY WITHOUT YOU DOING SOMETHING!"_

"_**But I didn't-!"**_

"_Primus didn't do anything, Chosen. I did."_

"_Solus!? What do you mean, this is your fault!?"_

"_I am the one who stabilized your spark enough to bear the newspark in the first place."_

"_Why would you do that!? You know my spark is unstable!"_

"_**You also know she cannot bear a newspark to term without offlining. If that is your goal-!"**_

"_I do not wish to see Fixit harmed. It is quite the opposite, actually. We owe her everything."_

"_Then…why did you…?"_

"_Because you are the only one he trusted."_

"…_the only one who trusted?"_

"…_**no…he didn't…"**_

"_Who didn't?"_

"_She saved him, Primus. You and she are the only ones he trusted after what happened to him."_

"_WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"_

"_**Fixit…do you remember Megatronus Prime? Or the Fallen, as he was more commonly called?"**_

"…_yes. What about him?"_

"_**After you sent him to me, I fixed what I could…but the only way to completely repair his spark was to give him a second chance."**_

"_...which means…?"_

"_Which means he needed to be reincarnated__.__Megatronus originally asked Primus if you could be the one to bear his reincarnated spark-"_

"_**-but I refused. I refused because your spark wouldn't be able to bear the strain! Solus, you dare go against my direct orders!?"**_

"_Fixit is the only one both Megatronus and I trusted to raise his reincarnation right. And I have a plan to ensure both Fixit and the newspark's survival. I will not allow either of them to perish."_

"_My…my newspark is the reincarnation of Megatronus Prime? Of the Fallen?"_

"_Yes."_

"…"

"…_**youngling…are you alright?"**_

"…"

"_Fixit?"_

"…_!"_

"_**Fixit! It's okay, calm down!"**_

"_You're going to hurt yourself, calm down!"_

"_Calm down!? CALM DOWN!? MY BITTY NEWSPARK IS THE REINCARNATION OF MEGATRONUS PRIME! I HAVE A FRAGGIN' PRIME IN MY CHEST! IN MY SOUL! A FRAGGIN' PRIME THAT TRIED TO KILL ME AND MY FAMILY! __**A! FRAGGIN'! **__**PRIME!**_

"_FIXIT!"_

"_**REINA!"**_

"_THAT'S NOT MY NAME!"_

"_**I know, youngling…but it got you to stop freaking out quite so badly, didn't it?"**_

"…"

"…_**Fixit?"**_

"…_can I leave, please?"_

"_Fixit-"_

"_**Of course."**_

"_Primus!"_

"_**Quiet, Solus. Youngling, when you feel ready to return, just meditate with the Forge again. Be careful."**_

"…_hmm."_

* * *

Steve started as the Forge's glow faded and Fixit's optics brightened again. The Vehicon got up and moved to hover over the Eradicon as she shook her helm groggily and subspaced the Forge.

"…Fixit? Are you okay?" he asked hesitantly. Fixit paused, looked up at him…and then promptly freaked out.

* * *

"They're very tolerant of his antics," Ratchet noted as they watched Starscream groaned at yet another interruption from an unmodified Fixit.

"It is highly unusual that Starscream is not retaliating against Fixit," Prowl agreed. "He seems almost…fond of him."

Jazz said something in reply, but Ratchet missed it because of a frantic comm from Steve, which caused the CMO to immediately bolt from the room.

:Ratchet, heeeeeeeeelp! Fixit's having another panic attack and he keeps freaking out and I can't get close to him because he screams and throws things and he's huddled in a little ball under the berth and I can't get him to come out and he keeps scratching at his chestplates and I'm scared something happened to the newspark and he keeps sobbing something about Primes and Megatron and killing someone and I think he might seriously hurt himself what do I dooooooooooo!:

Ratchet made it across the Ark in record time. Bursting into the room, he took a split second to take in the sight of the screaming, sobbing, terrified out of her processor Eradicon before lunging. Fixit's cries slowly quieted as the sedative the CMO had injected into her neck took effect. He caught the femme's limp, now-peaceful frame in his arms as she collapsed.

Across the room, Steve knelt on the ground in relief that quickly changed to worry as he shared a glance with the scowling Ratchet.

"We will be having words later, mech," the grumpy medic snapped as he rushed out of the room, carrying his unconscious patient to medbay.

* * *

_A/N: Soooo…yeah. Fixit's not dealing so well without her Creeper there to ground her. Poor femme…_

_On another note, FREEDOM! For another two weeks until summer college classes start, but whatever..._

_TEMPORARY FREEDOM! GLORY HALLELUJAH!_


	16. Welcome to the Doghouse

Welcome to the Doghouse

"_**SHE'S PART OF YOUR FAMILY, FIXIT! SHE'S NOT ONE OF YOUR ENEMIES, SHE'S YOUR NIECE!"**_

"…_niece…you mean…you mean, Marie is here?"_

"_**Yes, Fixit. Marie Callahan is now a resident of this universe."**_

"…_oh."_

"_It's okay, Fixit. I've- _We've_ got you. You're safe. I promise."_

"…_Primus?"_

"_**Yes, youngling?"**_

"…_why, _exactly,_ is my niece now a resident of this universe instead of her original one?"_

"…_**meep."**_

* * *

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" Ratchet yelled as he turned to Steve, having just finished checking over Fixit.

Steve yelped, taking cover behind an unnerved First Aid as the wrench made an appearance. "I don't know! One klick he was meditating, the next he was freaking out! Primus only knows what they were talking about!"

"What do you mean, 'they?' You said Fixit was meditating," Prowl pointed out with a frown. The officers (plus Marie) had followed Ratchet after the CMO bolted from the room.

The Vehicon froze. "Uhh…"

"…"

"…you heard nothing?" he tried weakly, waving his hand like a Jedi.

Ratchet's wrench rebounded off his helm.

"Fraggit!"

* * *

"_**I thought I told you to be careful, youngling!"**_

"_WELL EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING A PANIC ATTACK BECAUSE MY NEWSPARK IS A PRIME!"_

"_Fixit-"_

"_Don't. Even. I am not talking to you right now. No. Primus, send me back."_

"_**Only once I'm sure you're not going to hurt yourself."**_

"_Primus…!"_

"_**FIXIT."**_

"…_fine. Aft."_

_***Irritated sigh***_

* * *

"Wai', yah're actually serious? Fixit can talk t' Primus?" Jazz said incredulously.

Steve just raised a brow. Of course he was serious. Everyone knew, even if no one actually talked about it.

"…how…why…" Optimus started as Prowl glitched and Ratchet swore. Jazz and Wheeljack just…stared. Ironhide and Marie were torn between the two reactions.

"Frag if I know," Steve shrugged. "But it's how Fixit saved Ryan."

"'e saved- fraggi' mech, yah go' a lo' o' explainin' ta do," Jazz cursed.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

* * *

"_**Youngling…before you go back, there's another thing you should probably be aware of…"**_

"_Primus, I swear, if you ask me to help fix this universe too…"_

"_**Well, um, that actually wasn't what I was going to talk about…now?"**_

"_YOU WERE PLANNING ON ASKING FOR MY HELP _AGAIN!?"

"_**I wasn't going to ask right now, and I just want you to-!"**_

"_YOU WERE STILL PLANNING ON ASKING ME, YOU FRAGGIN' BASTARD!"_

"_**GAAAAAAAHHH! DON'T KILL ME!"**_

"_GET BACK HERE AND LET ME SHOVE YOU THROUGH A WOOD CHIPPER, YOU FRAGGER! I AM NOT YOUR FRAGGIN' HANDYMAN, PRIMUS! I WILL NOT FIX ALL OF YOUR MISTAKES FOR YOU!"_

"…_**can I hire you then? GAAAAH, MY LEG!"**_

"_DIE, YOU MORONIC GLITCHY AFT-HELMED EXCUSE OF A SOOTY BROKEN CHIMNEY FAN!"_

"_**SOLUS, HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!"**_

"…_Fixit, please calm down. You can return to killing Primus later, but first there's something you really need to know, regardless of whether you agree to help or not."_

"_And just what, _exactly_, is so important for me to know?"_

"_Don't look at me. This is Primus' fault, so he gets to tell you."_

"_**Traitor. Umm…well, you see…you'renottheonlypersonfromyourfirstlifeinthisuniverse."**_

"…_what?"_

"_**Sooo…yeah."**_

"_WHAT THE SLAG DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT THE ONLY PERSON FROM MY ORIGINAL UNIVERSE HERE!? WHO ELSE IS HERE!?"_

"_**Youngling, calm down-!"**_

"_I'M FINALLY HAPPY, PRIMUS! THERE'S NO SLAGGIN' WAY I'M LETTING THEM TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME AGAIN! I WON'T!"_

"_Fixit, stop! You're going to hurt yourself!"_

"_I WILL RIP THEM APART WITH MY BARE FRAGGIN' SERVOS IF I HAVE TO, I WON'T LET THEM RUIN MY LIFE AGAIN!"_

"_**SHE'S PART OF YOUR FAMILY, FIXIT! SHE'S NOT ONE OF YOUR ENEMIES, SHE'S YOUR NIECE!"**_

"…_niece…you mean…you mean, Marie is here?"_

"_**Yes, Fixit. Marie Callahan is now a resident of this universe."**_

"…_oh."_

"_It's okay, Fixit. I've- _We've_ got you. You're safe. I promise."_

"…_Primus?"_

"_**Yes, youngling?"**_

"…_why, _exactly,_ is my niece now a resident of this universe instead of her original one?"_

"…_**meep."**_

"_PRIMUS!"_

"_**DON'T KILL ME IT WASN'T MY FAULT IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD SAVE HER HAVE MERCYYYYYY!"**_

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'IT WAS THE ONLY WAY YOU COULD SAVE HER!?'"_

"_Fixit, one of Wheeljack's experiments went awry-"_

"WHEELJACK."

"_**-it went awry and sent the Autobots' sparks into the bodies of Transformers toys from your original universe!"**_

"…_that sounds like a fanfic plot."_

"_**All ideas are real somewhere in the multiverse."**_

"…_mmm. Some of the authors I knew probably would've creamed themselves if they knew that. So, how exactly does this connect to my little niece being _here?"

"_Some of the Decepticons were also caught in the blast and sent. They are the ones who messed with the device Wheeljack made to return them home, which accidentally dragged Marie along too."_

"_**However, because the device wasn't designed to bring her along, she would've been left in the Void had I not intervened. Sadly, due to the manner in which she left, I was unable to return her to her original world. So in order to give her the best chance of survival, I tied her soul to some of the sparks traveling with her. That way, they would drag her back into their universe with them and save her from obliteration in the Void."**_

"…"

"…_**Fixit?"**_

"…_I'm grateful you saved her. VERY grateful. However…you still bonded her to others _without her consent."

"…_**you'll never forgive me for that, will you?"**_

"_I might forgive it eventually, depending on how Marie feels about it. But I will _never _forget it."_

"…"

"_Welcome to the doghouse, Primus. Population: us."_

"_**Your snark is not appreciated, Solus."**_

"_By you, maybe."_

"_**Solus…"**_

* * *

Fixit groaned as she returned to consciousness. "Oh, my aching helm…anyone get the designation of the six-changer that ran me over?"

"Sorry, everyone's too busy pumping Steve for information or attempting to revive Prowl," a snickering female voice spoke up from next to her.

Fixit cracked one optic open…and stared.

Marie Josephina Callahan looked up at her with a wide grin. "'Sup?"

* * *

_A/N: Cliffhanger! Muahaha!_

_I've had so many people ask me to put it more of Fixit's past. I wasn't able to do it before, because it just wouldn't fit in the story, but now…now it's part of the plot._

_Muahaha._


	17. Discoveries

Discoveries

"_**Soooo, Fixit…sweet, dear Fixit…"**_

"…_Primus…"_

"…_**please can I hire you?"**_

"_PRIMUS!"_

* * *

"Look, all I know is that everyone credits Fixit with saving Prime, and I'm one of the few who actually knew that he was actually _dead_ instead of just in a coma and I don't know how Fixit brought him back because _no one talks about it!"_ Steve declared in utter exasperation.

Naturally, this lack of explanation only annoyed the Autobots further. The Vehicon's salvation came in the form of an unnerved human femme.

"…uh, guys? Hate to interrupt, but Fixit won't stop staring at me…" Marie called over to them.

They turned, and sure enough, Fixit was staring blankly down at the ginger-haired woman.

"About time you woke up, you slagger!" Ratchet fumed, stalking over to the carrying femme. The other Autobots followed. Steve didn't.

Jazz frowned in confusion when he realized the Vehicon was actually backing up slowly, eyeing the frozen Eradicon fearfully. "Steve? Wha's wrong?"

"Nothing," he squeaked quietly. "I'll just, I have, things, stuff, to do, far away from here, so, yeah, bye!" He attempted to bolt for the door, but yelped in fear when Fixit moved and dove behind a berth. However, the femme just calmly got up and walked back to a private room, completely ignoring everyone else.

Ratchet stalked after her in frustration, leaving everyone else behind to trade worried and confused glances.

(Except Steve- he made a break for it. He'd been with Fixit long enough to recognize the signs of an impending explosion, and was planning on holing himself up in a little hidey-hole till it was safe again.)

* * *

"What's going on?" Sideswipe hissed, pressing his audio harder against the door.

"How the frag should I know?" Sunstreaker grumbled, scowling down at the paint cans next to his pedes. Sides had dragged him into pranking the Hatchet again, but they hadn't even started when the CMO had come back into his medbay, carrying the limp form of the weird femme. Upon seeing the Hatchet, the Twins had panicked and ducked into a room in the back to hide…which effectively trapped them there for joors.

"Wait…that's…" Sides' optics widened as he realized the footsteps were coming towards their hiding place. "Frag, someone's coming! Hide!"

There was a mad scramble, ending with both Twins pressed flat behind the med berth just as the door hissed open. Sunstreaker scowled in confusion. Where were the footsteps? Then heavy steps stomped in, the door closing behind them.

"What the slag do you think you're doing, femme!?" Ratchet hissed furiously. "Sit your aft down-"

He cut himself off in surprise as an odd muffled noise came from the berth above the Twins' helm, making them tense in shock. Where the frag had the femme come from!? They didn't hear her enter at all!

"…fraggit youngling, what's wrong now?" Ratchet vented heavily, moving forwards.

The noises continued, growing in volume. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe cast baffled looks at each other.

"Fixit…"

"N-nothing…nothing's w-wrong…" came the miserable deep reply. Sides choked in shock, nudging his brother's shoulder.

_'He's crying!'_ the red twin mouthed to his brother, gaining an unnerved look in reply.

"And I'm the Easter Bunny," came the sarcastic reply, even as the Twins heard Ratchet pull Fixit into a hug. "Would this be related to the panic attack you had earlier?"

The femme hiccupped into his shoulder. "P-Primus is an a-aft," she muttered unhappily, voice muffled.

Ratchet hesitated. "You…actually can speak to Primus, then?"

"Somehow, I feel like I've mentioned this before…oh wait, I have, back when I told you why I'm still alive and my split-spark twin isn't…"

The Twins froze. _What?_

The CMO ignored the vicious biting sarcasm spoken into his shoulder. Mostly. "Well excuse me for being skeptical. After all, it's not like Primus has done anything to stop this fragging accursed war."

"Primus believes in free will, and he can't actually interfere directly very easily, for whatever reason…"

But the Twins had stopped listening after the bombshell about _Fixit's split-spark twin being dead._ They retained just enough presence of mind to stay hidden until the femme had calmed down and the two medics left the room. After that, they resolved to wait to talk about it until they were back in the safety of their room.

But once back in their own quarters…all bets were off.

"…his split-spark twin is _dead?"_ Sides whispered hoarsely from where he and his brother had collapsed on the ground.

Sunstreaker just stared blankly off into the distance, his grip on his twin tightening slightly. He…didn't know what he'd do if he lost Sides. The feeling was reciprocated over their bond.

* * *

_A/N: And thus, the Twins discover more about Fixit._

_Sorry for the long wait. Real life has just been a bitch, lately. Urgh._

_Also, my computer's battery died a permanent and painful death. I'm just glad I keep everything on my USB…_


	18. Fixit Corrupts Everyone Without Trying

Fixit Corrupts Everyone Without Trying

"_**Fixit, please! You know I'm not allowed to interfere directly! Practically the only way I can help my children anymore is through a mortal Proxy, and mortals strong enough for the position are incredibly rare! You're the first I've found since the Thirteen Primes that can handle it! Please!"**_

"_There's no way I'm the first you've found since the Glitchy Blenders. And what the frag do you mean you're 'not allowed to interfere!?' You're a god!"_

"_**Well- no, you're not the first-"**_

"_So then why-!?"_

"_**But you're the only one I've found in this area of the multiverse! Mortals can only travel so far between universes before they start fading. A god's Proxy can go further, but even they are limited in how far from their home universe they can go."**_

* * *

"_Primus, this can't go on. Fixit's becoming more and more unstable by the day, especially with her niece there! She has no idea how to act around her. Fixit won't even last the month out, at this rate!"_

"_**I know, Solus! I am working on it!"**_

"_You're not working fast enough!"_

"_**I. AM. TRYING! BUT MY BROTHER KNOWS WHAT I'M ATTEMPTING, AND IS ACTIVELY BLOCKING ME! IF I TRY TO BRING ANYONE THROUGH NOW, THE DARK ENERGON EXPOSURE WILL KILL THEM AND THAT WILL JUST MAKE FIXIT **_**WORSE!**_** SO UNLESS YOU HAVE ANY BRIGHT IDEAS ON HOW TO PULL SOMEONE THROUGH WITHOUT UNICORN KILLING THEM, **__**FRAG OFF!"**_

"…"

"…_**that's what I thought."**_

"…_Unicorn?"_

"…"

"…_pfft!"_

"…_**damn it, Fixit."**_

"_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

"_**Shut up, Solus."**_

"_SHE'S NOT EVEN HERE AND SHE'S STILL CORRUPTING YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

"_**SHUT UP, SOLUS."**_

"_MAYBE- MAYBE IF YOU SAY THAT TO HIS FACE, HE'LL- HAHAHA- HE'LL BE SO SHOCKED HE'LL FORGOT TO BLOCK YOU! HAHAHAHAHA!"_

"_**YOU ARE NOT HELPING."**_

"_AND, AND THEN HE'LL THROW A TANTRUM LIKE- LIKE HE DID AFTER HE FAILED IN HER HOME 'VERSE AND LOST HIS LITTLE HOST! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

"_**STOP. LAUGH- wait."**_

"_WE, WE HAVE TO GET THAT ON TAPE IF IT HAPPENS! HAHAHAHA! FIXIT WOULD NEVER FORGIVE US- HAHAHA- OTHERWISE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

"…_**his host…"**_

"_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MAYBE, MAYBE SHE COULD EVEN HELP US FILM! OR SET TRAPS FOR HIM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

"_**HIS HOST! SOLUS, YOU GENIUS!"**_

"_HAHA…ha…wait, what?"_

* * *

"Soundwave, you need to rest!" Knock Out snapped irritably. The other mech ignored him in favor of continuing to obsess over the work in front of him, exactly as he had been since his bonded, symbiote and Steve vanished 3 orns ago. "How do you expect to help Fixit and Ravage if you work yourself to death before we find them!?"

No reply. Lazerbeak whined softly on the table, nudging his helm against his host.

Nothing.

"Sounds, c'mon," Jazz tried next. "We all worried abou' Fixit, bu' 'e'd be t' firs' t' tell you ta rest if 'e saw 'ow you were pushing yourself. Yah haven' even refueled recently, mech! Yah gonna collapse afore we can ge' t' 'im!"

Still no reply.

Jazz and Knock Out shared a grim look. "Sorry, mech. This is fo' yah own good."

The saboteur quickly pinned the bigger mech against the desk, Lazerbeak leaping out of the way onto Knock Out's shoulder. Soundwave tried to lash out, but he was so exhausted and low on energy that he couldn't do much more than struggle feebly as K.O. injected the sedative into his systems.

"Finally we can get some real work done," Starscream muttered irritably from the other side of the lab. Predaking had dragged him in from…somewhere…to help once the dragon had heard the news. And so far, he had been a huge help in making progress. Even if his attitude left much to be desired.

The beat-up Seeker flinched back from the furious glares his comment elicited, but was saved from a reprimand as the doors sighed open and Optimus Prime walked in to help drag Soundwave to rest.

Pause.

Knock Out face palmed in exasperation as everyone looked towards the doors again. "I thought we got rid of the code that makes the doors keep sighing!"

"I' is Fixit," Jazz chuckled ruefully. "If 'e wan's somethin' t' stay annoyin', ain' nothin' in t' world can stop i' fo' long."

"Where did he even get the idea to make the doors sigh in the first place!?" the red mech muttered.

"_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,_" Starscream replied absentmindedly as he focused back on his work. After a moment, he frowned and looked up to meet their incredulous gazes. "What!?"

"…how exactly do you know that?" Prime inquired curiously, raising a brow even as he slung Soundwave's unconscious form over his shoulder.

Creamer rolled his optics. "Fixit had a squishy movie marathon at one point. It went on for several orns."

"You actually went to the room he was showing them in and watched one!?" Knock Out said incredulously.

"No, that was the one he played when he trapped me in my room," the Seeker scowled. "Didn't he do that with you?"

"No, my movie was called the Fast and the Furious 5. Huh, I didn't realize he did different movies for each of us."

"…I suppose we shouldn't be surprised, given how detail-oriented that menace is…"

Jazz shook his helm in reluctant amusement. "Ah've gotta ge' t' security footage o' some o' these pranks, sometime…"

**"Like frag you will!"** the two ex-Cons yelped in unison. The Autobot saboteur could never be allowed to get his servos on all that blackmail! Fixit was bad enough!

* * *

"_Primus, what are you doing?"_

"_**Hopefully? Giving Fixit a lifeline until she's strong enough to go home or I get her bonded to her."**_

"_Then why are you-?"_

"_**SHH! It's almost showtime."**_

"…_You look ridiculous."_

"_**You have no sense of drama, Solus."**_

"_And Fixit corrupted the sense you already had."_

"_**Did not-! Wait, he's out! It's time! Come on!"**_

"_I refuse to be associated with this idiocy."_

"_**Fine. Spoilsport."**_

"_I still don't see what this has to do with helping Fixit…"_

* * *

"_**Soundwave. I am Primus, and if you want to help your bonded, I need you to do something for me…"**_

* * *

_A/N: I'd forgotten how annoying Jazz's accent is to write._

_Also, if Solus seems a little...off...in the beginning, he is exhausted from donating energy to Fixit and frustrated with not being able to help more. But mostly he's just really, really tired._

_Don't expect another update anytime soon. This is the product of several months of work/writing something down, realizing 'this isn't going in the right direction for the story,' and deleting it all again! Gah!_

_Writer's block sucks._


	19. Ravage is an Enabler

_A/N: I lied. Even to myself, apparently._

_Have an update._

Ravage is an Enabler

"…_then how did you place me in my new home universe? Wouldn't my original universe be too far away?"_

"_**Honestly? I- and you- got **_**extremely **_**lucky. Your original branch of universes rotated into perfect alignment with this branch **_**exactly **_**when you died. The odds of that in the first place were…well. Let's just say I didn't think it was possible."**_

"…_oh."_

"_**Yeah. It's never going to happen again."**_

* * *

Fixit was huddled in a little ball underneath her berth in her quarters. Just as she had been ever since she woke up in medbay with her clueless niece standing next to her. The Eradicon…honestly didn't know how to deal with this. Her precious little niece- pretty much the only reason she bothered clawing her way back to sanity after BlueJay abandoned her- was here.

Surrounded by giant, deadly alien mecha.

In the middle of a war.

With no way to defend herself should said giant, deadly mecha decide to squish her.

Like a bug.

Fixit's optics narrowed.

Unacceptable.

_**:Oh, Toaster**__**: **_ she sung over her encrypted comm line. _**:Care to go shopping for me?:**_

* * *

Ravage did not know why his host's bonded wanted all this random scrap. Nor did he want to know why. With Fixit, plausible deniability was _always_ safer. Especially since the Eradicon deemed Shopping (and yes, it deserved the capitalization) of greater priority than spying on this world's Decepticons.

(Who were definitely not worthy of being called Decepticons- he regularly took _naps_ _on top of the back of_ _their Megatron's throne-thingy._ And _no one noticed him._ Whilst _every single one of them was in there for a meeting! _Not even _his host's counterpart!_ Pathetic.)

But still…what could Fixit possibly need with 1,001 laser pointers? Much less any of the other stuff?

Like the giant wrought iron 40-inch frying pans?

Sigh.

Why couldn't Lazerbeak have gotten trapped with the crazy femme instead?

* * *

The modified Eradicon couldn't believe Prime had gotten Red Alert to keep his cameras of Paranoid Doom out of her and Steve's room. Just…wow. Especially since the security mech knew they were ex-Cons. _Freedom is the right of all sentient beings _or not, that was just a giant security risk. She'd have to put that down in the notes/advice she was compiling on their operation for them for once she was gone.

One way or the other.

(The listening devices were another matter, of course, but they were easy enough for a sneaky awesome ninja like her to get around. Making Red panic by being dead quiet for ages before suddenly causing a ruckus was fun~! And gave Prime a helm ache! Which he totally deserved for not letting her go flying yet. Grr…)

She gave Ravage a thumbs-up after he signaled that was the last of this load. The carrying femme replaced the vent cover and dropped down to the floor as the symbiont disappeared. Fixit pouted. She wanted to drive Red mad by constantly sneaking in and out of the base as well! Although Toaster was small enough to make it seem like it was just an animal constantly getting in. She was too big to do that.

But she supposed getting to watch Red Alert curse all squirrel-kind and vow to exterminate them at any cost was worth not being able to sneak out herself.

Barely.

(The possibility of missing out on blackmail during the Great Squirrel Hunt was actually the deciding factor. Like frag she was passing that up!)

* * *

"Hey, Steve!"

The modified Vehicon looked up from the puzzle he was attempting to solve (Fixit had to be omnipotent. That was the only possible way he could solve them so fast) to see Sideswipe plop down on the seat next to him. His grumpy buttercup shadow (oh Primus, Fixit had rubbed off on him more than he had thought. He was doomed) loomed menacingly behind him, obviously going for a 'good cop, bad cop' effect.

Sadly for them, Steve had developed a personality whilst serving under Knock Out the Mad Doctor, Starscream the Bipolar, Airachnid the Sinister, Soundwave the All-Seeing, Megatron, and Fixit (the latter two of whom had no need for any such puny adjectives to terrorize bots). In comparison to those officers…the Condiment Twins were like younglings play-acting. Aka not scary at all.

"Yes?" Steve answered politely, raising an inquiring brow at them. He had been enjoying his quiet time reading next to Prowl, who was doing paperwork. (It was quiet because no one dared disturb Prowl from his work- not even to ask the Vehicon about Fixit who, true to form, had become friendly with pretty much everyone on base. That femme's charisma was a scary thing.)

"What's up with Fixit? He hasn't come out of his room for the past four solar cycles, not even to refuel. You've been bringing it to him, right?" Ketchup- er, Sideswipe leaned his helm on his servo as he stared questioningly at Steve.

Prowl looked up from his paperwork with narrowed optics. "Fixit is to be left alone until he is ready to face people again, Sideswipe. Ratchet was very clear on this."

"Yeah yeah, we know," the irreverent mech flapped his servo at the Autobot SIC, whose optic twitched slightly in annoyance. "But that doesn't mean we're not allowed to _ask_ about how he's doing…or when he might possibly come back out…"

_"Sideswipe…"_

"It's okay, Prowl. Thank you, though," Steve called off the irritated Praxian, whose workload was actually pretty insane. He never recalled their Prowl having quite this much work. Then again, he did have Ultra Magnus to help… "Fixit's snapped out of whatever flashback was triggered, but he's nowhere near ready to rejoin society. He went straight from panicking to Work Mode, so it'll be another couple of solar cycles till you see him again. And even then, it'll probably only be 'cause he needs parts or something."

"Work Mode?" Jazz questioned as he popped up behind Steve suddenly.

"GAH!" Steve yelped, clutching at his chestplates as he whirled to face the saboteur. "Don't do that!"

Prowl gave the TIC a deeply disapproving look as the mech snickered out an apology.

"And yet somehow, I doubt your sincerity," Steve muttered to himself, leaning over to snatch his datapad up off the ground.

"Yah wound meh, mech," Jazz proclaimed dramatically, placing the back of his servo on his forehelm.

"Not yet I haven't…"

"As…_unorthodox_ as Jazz's inquiry was, I find I must echo his sentiment," Prowl admitted, looking like it mildly pained him to do so. Especially when the saboteur gained an air of unmistakable smugness. "What do you mean by 'Work Mode?' How is that any different from Fixit's productivity so far?"

Steve vented in resignation. "Okay, first thing you have to understand is the difference between regular, everyday work for Fixit and Work. The first occurs just as part of his duties- he doesn't really care about it one way or the other, but he was assigned the task so he'll finish it to the best of his abilities…which is terrifying enough.

"His Work, on the other hand…well. Those are the projects he invests in. That he _obsesses_ over. He'll still do the minimum he requires of himself for his other duties, but the rest of his time and energy is devoted solely to his current Work."

"…I still don't get how that's any different from his regular work schedule…" Sideswipe frowned.

"Fixit at least rests voluntarily when he's not in Work Mode," Steve replied flatly. "And plans pranks," he added as an afterthought.

"Wait wait wait! He doesn't plan pranks when he's in Work Mode!?" Sideswipe sputtered incredulously.

"And he finally begins to understand just how terrifying Work Mode is…" Steve muttered, going back to his puzzle, leaving the Autobots to contemplate _Fixit_ willingly giving up _pranks_ in favor of _Work._ They hadn't known the femme all that long, but even they knew just how addicted the Eradicon was to pranking!

(Psychic Powers came to mind as a prime example…)

…frag. They were all doomed, weren't they?

* * *

_A/N: I really like the Roombas' moniker for Starscream. It describes him so perfectly…_

_And I just noticed I've never once written actual dialogue for Ravage. I insinuate and write out his thoughts, but I've never actually written him talking, whether out loud or over the comm…_

_Weird._


	20. Yet Another Kidnapping

Yet Another Kidnapping

"…_wait…I get the branch analogy for the multiverse theory, but…they rotated?"_

"_**It's…hang on, I'll try to put it into terms you can comprehend."**_

"…_I'm. Not. Stupid."_

"_**No- I know that, that's not what I meant! There's just some things mortal minds are incapable of understanding, that only **_**immortal**_** minds can comprehend I'm not insulting you please don't kill meeeee!"**_

"…_mnn. Go on."_

"…_**oi. I don't think I even want to know how a mortal can be **_**that**_** terrifying."**_

"_PRIMUS."_

"_**EEP!"**_

* * *

Fixit was in the middle of welding when the Ark's alarm systems went off. She blinked. "…huh. I was wondering what was taking the Decepticons so long to attack…"

Then she shrugged and went back to work. It's not like it concerned her, right?

Pause.

"Frag. I just jinxed myself, didn't I?"

**"Yes. Yes you did."**

Her helm snapped up to the door. Rumble and Frenzy grinned back at her, brandishing their pile-drivers menacingly.

"…how did you know-?"

"You said it out loud," Rumble leered as his twin came forwards with a pair of cuffs.

"Of course I did. Fraggin' irritatin' habit…"

"So, will you come peacefully?"

"Please say no," Frenzy cackled.

"Sorry to ruin your fun, lads, but I'm not that stupid," Fixit commented wryly, allowing the red symbiont to slap the cuffs on her. Huh, they were modified to deny her access to her subspace. Interesting.

**"Aww…"**

"So, how exactly do you plan on getting me out of the Ark and to your Base without the Bots taking me back?"

* * *

She raised a brow at the suspiciously empty halls. "…the other Cons are being distractions, aren't they? And…Red's feed is either on a loop, or he's too busy fighting off your Soundwave to notice us."

"We've literally taken two steps down the hall! How the frag did you figure that out so quickly!?" Frenzy gaped.

"There's only so many ways to get me off the Ark. But thanks for confirming my guess!"

The twins swore.

* * *

_**:Yo Steve.:**_

_:Fixit!? Where are you?!:_

_**:Getting kidnapped again.:**_

_:WHAT!?:_

_**:Yep.:**_

_:SPAWN OF A RUSTY MOLDING MALFUNCTIONING TIRE ASSEMBLY LINE! WHERE ARE YOU!?:_

_**:*Gasp* Steve, I'm so proud of you! Look at my wittle Woomba, swearing like a pro!:**_

_:FIXIT.:_

_**:NO, Steve. Useful minion though you might be, you don't stand a chance against Rumble and Frenzy.:**_

* * *

"Damn," Fixit whistled. "Your Soundwave must be doing a really good job if Red hasn't freaked about a triple-changer this close to the Ark…is that Blitzwing or Astrotrain?"

"That's 'cause Boss is the best," Rumble smirked smugly. "And that's Astrotrain."

"Debatable," the Eradicon muttered.

"You insulting the Boss!?" Frenzy snarled, his twin following his lead.

"I'm bonded to my Soundwave," she responded wryly as she walked up Astrotrain's ramp. "I'm obligated to say he's the best, whether or not that's actually true."

Even though it totally _was_.

Frag, how she missed her Creeper…

* * *

_:SO I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO LET YOU GET KIDNAPPED _AGAIN!?_:_

_**:No, you're supposed to run to the Security Center and make sure Red Alert knows what's going on.:**_

_:…oh. Okay. I'll just…go do that, then.:_

_**:And if he asks/rants about me going quietly with them, let him know that I haven't refueled yet today and am too weak to fight back without permanently harming either myself or the newspark.:**_

_:…fuck.:_

_**:Steve! I corrupted you!:**_

_:…that happened a long time ago.:_

_**:No no, I'm not talking about corrupting you to the Pranking Side or the Dark Side-:**_

_:-of course the Pranking Side comes first…:_

_**:-I'm talking about the Human Side!:**_

_:…Human Side.:_

_**:Yep! You used a human swear word! Ergo, you have been corrupted!:**_

_:…I'm just going to pound on the Security Center's door, now…:_

_**:Mmkay. I'm being flown away by Astrotrain now, so I'll be out of range in a nanoklick.:**_

_:WHAT!?:_

_**:See you later, Ste-!:**_

Static.

_"SLAGGING CRAZY STUPID FEMME! STOP LEAVING IMPORTANT DETAILS TILL __THE LAST POSSIBLE FRAGGING SECOND!"_

* * *

Fixit slumped against the wall of Astrotrain's cargo bay, eyeing the twin symbionts grinning evilly across from her.

…well, this was shaping up to be a boring trip.

Time to make it interesting!

* * *

"Hey Rumble."

"What?"

"You know what you remind me of?"

"…what?"

"An angry smurf."

Astrotrain snorted.

Frenzy cackled as he held his cursing bro back from attacking the smirking femme. If only the Boss hadn't ordered them not to hurt the trans-dimensional traveler! Who cared about some unborn fragging parasite, anyways?

* * *

"Your Base is underwater?" she asked curiously, staring idly at the ceiling of Astrotrain's cargo bay.

"Wha-?" Frenzy started.

"Shut up, idiot! He's trying to trick us into confirming it!" Rumble wacked his twin.

"Actually, the sounds from outside the hull changed from ones typical to air travel to water travel. I just mentioned it to mess with you."

The twins cussed her out again as Astrotrain snickered in amusement.

* * *

"Hey Frenzy."

"…yeah?" The twins eyed her warily.

Fixit grinned. "Have you ever tried coffee?"

* * *

"I CAN'T DOCK WITH YOU BOUNCING EVERYWHERE!" Astrotrain roared in irritation as the cackling red symbiont scampered over every surface in the cargo hold. Including the ceiling. And the other occupants.

"FRAGGING SLAG FOR BRAINS, GET BACK HERE!" Rumble snarled, dirty pede-prints clearly visible on his faceplates.

The cause of Frenzy's current caffeine high just laughed and laughed, pede-prints covering her as well.

* * *

Rumble finally managed to catch his twin, allowing Astrotrain to dock…

…and then Fixit 'accidentally' nudged the blue symbiont when the bay doors opened, causing him to lose his grip on his twin.

"**SLAGGIT!"**

"BE FREE!" the Eradicon cackled happily.

"Astro, put the Menace in a cell then come help me!" the blue symbiont yelled over his shoulder as he chased his hyperactive brother.

Astrotrain dumped the still chortling femme out of his hold, transformed, slung her over his shoulder, and stalked away.

Who the frag could he sucker into watching the Menace?

Most of the _Victory's_ personnel had been sent out as distractions. Those that remained were either liable to fall for the Menace's tricks, or…

He grinned, pointedly ignoring the cheerfully humming prisoner over his shoulder. A way to annoy the Menace _and_ guard it at the same time. Perfect!

* * *

_A/N: Aaaand Fixit already has a nickname from the Cons. Because she really is a Menace to those she doesn't like._

_Any guesses as to who Astrotrain is going to sucker into guarding her? I bet no one's going to figure it out~_


	21. Champion of WHAT

_A/N: EVERYONE WAS WRONG~!_

Champion of _WHAT!?_

"_**Okay, so, you know how electrons orbit the nucleus of an atom, right?"**_

"…"

"_**Right, what am I saying, of course you do. Anyways…they orbit around the nucleus in a sphere. But individual atoms can orbit each other as well. And clusters of atoms orbiting each other can orbit other clusters, too."**_

"…_this explanation is both overly-simplified and overly-complicated at the same time."_

"_**I'm trying, alright!?"**_

* * *

"So…" Fixit started idly, staring at the ceiling of her cell from the floor. The sheer amount of radiation hurt too much for her to stand. Hopefully Solus could shield her newspark long enough for him not to be harmed… "You're Sunstorm, huh?"

"Silence, insolent heathen!" Starscream's clone fumed. "I have been warned about your foul, deceptive tongue! Heretics who have turned away from our All-Mighty Father Primus must be destroyed!"

"Then why hasn't your precious _Lord Megsy_ offed me yet?" The Eradicon replied idly as she weakly inspected her claws like a human would their nails.

"He will, just as soon as he returns and rips all your secrets out of you," the radioactive Seeker replied haughtily, the fact that Fixit had escaped her cuffs soaring straight over his glowing helm. "You and your evil Lord and Master shall never prevail!"

"And who, exactly, is my _Lord and Master _supposed to be?" Fixit asked dryly. She had a pretty good guess…

"Names have power, foul Pit-spawn, and you shall not trick me into giving the Destroyer more of it!" Sunstorm sneered. "It was not enough that he betrayed his own brother, no…he had to go and corrupt half of his brother's children as well!"

Yep. She knew it. Fraggin' Unicorn…why did he always have to make her life so difficult!?

"But I shall do Lord Primus' will, and cleanse his corrupted children from this world, so that he might save them in the next!" he ranted, fiery passion lighting up his optics.

Fixit raised her brow as he continued his tirade. Huh. That was…some impressive fervor. Don't get her wrong, he was clearly a delusional, sociopathic bastard, but…she could respect his resolve. He truly believed was he was doing was right, and refused to give up or falter, regardless of the opinions of everyone else.

…aaand now she was drawing uncomfortable parallels between herself and him.

Great.

Well…now was a good a time as any to see if Solus' hastily thought-up plan could work, she supposed…

"Hey Sunstorm, wanna see the Forge of Solus Prime?"

Cue sputtering.

"No, really. Here, see?" Fixit rolled to her pedes and pulled out the Forge from her subspace in one swift motion. Take that, uppity little pathetic bastard that thought he could imitate _her_ bonded! Only the _real_ Soundwave could ever succeed in cutting her off from her subspace!

(And no, she wasn't completely ignoring the fact that even her bonded had never been able to do that for longer than ten minutes…it was a legitimate grievance! She wasn't just sulking 'cause she missed _her_ Wave…really!)

"YOU DARE SULLY ONE OF OUR CREATOR'S DIVINE ARTIFACTS WITH YOUR FOUL, CORRUPTED SERVOS!?"

Fixit rested the end of the Forge on the ground, looked Sunstorm straight in the optics, and…

"…mua. Ha. Ha."

The Seeker screeched in incoherent rage, pounding the door controls to open the cell. Fixit's legs collapsed out from under her, the femme unable to keep up the pretense of strength anymore as the furious mech swept in. He swiftly scooped up the Forge, raised it above his helm in preparation to smash the insolent heretic…and froze.

Fixit gasped in relief as the Forge flared brightly, sucking in a lot of Sunstorm's excess radiation and converting it to raw power. She coughed and wheezed feebly on the floor, curling up pathetically. Above her, the Seeker remained frozen as Solus (and Primus) used the new influx of power to talk to the glowing mech.

"Shhhh…shh shh, it's okay," she rasped quietly, rubbing her chest as her newspark sent her feelings of distress and worry when he felt her pain. She flooded the fledgling bond between them with love, affection, and reassurance, carefully making sure no more of her pain or fear leaked over to her child. "It's alright…shh…"

The Forge was gently laid against her side, the soothing influx of Solus' power easing the raw _aching_ of her spark. She whimpered in relief as she curled around the Forge, about ready to cry as the strain of supporting both her own damaged spark and her precious newspark faded. Fixit was so, _so_ glad she'd kept Solus' Forge…and that the Prime was willing to donate so much spark energy. She would've died a couple solar cycles after arriving in this universe, otherwise.

Unbeknownst to her, Sunstorm was watching in awe as the Forge's energy enveloped the carrying femme, creating an intricate, pulsing white-purple pattern on her form. It trailed over her legs in long, sweeping strokes, before narrowing and splitting around her hips, sliding up over her stomach, chest, and back. It branched from there up and over her shoulders, connecting the two sides, before growing down her arms to the back of her servos. The design on her back spread up her wings, giving them a dainty, dragonfly-like pattern. Finally, the light wound its way around her helm and face, adding an elegant air to her faceplates and the impression of a crown formed around the top of her helm, with an elongated scarlet diamond as the centerpiece. But what truly stunned him was the glyph that formed on the center of her chestplates…

"…the Mark of Primus," the Seeker whispered reverently. Only those chosen personally by Primus could bear the Mark, for he would smite all those who had not his permission to bear it...even if they were a Prime.

As soon as he saw and recognized the glyph, the marks began to fade. They slowly disappeared inwards, till only the Mark was left, but soon that faded as well.

Fixit groaned as she slowly regained awareness of the world around her. "…anyone get the number of the spaceship that ran me over?" she asked groggily, gingerly rolling onto her back. "Yeah…I'm not letting go of the Forge again anytime soon…"

"Are you alright, Champion?" Sunstorm asked anxiously.

Pause.

The Eradicon cracked one optic open to stare at the radioactive mech. 'Champion?' she mouthed incredulously.

"Primus and Solus Prime explained everything to me, Honored Champion. How you were sent here against your will, which endangered your unborn newspark, the future of our race, and the suffering you have endured since then…and how you are still willing to help our Creator right the wrongs of this universe, despite everything! I am too unworthy to be in your presence, O Mighty Champion! I pray your forgiveness for opposing you! I was misled, but now I have seen the error of my ways! I will protect and serve you with all my power from now on!"

Fixit stared at him with a flat expression, optic twitching slightly as he prostrated himself before her.

…Champion?

.

.

.

Fuck.

That.

Shit.

She was going to kill Primus for this.

* * *

"Hold on, Champion. We're almost there," Sunstorm whispered to the vastly annoyed Eradicon, whose optic had not stopped twitching since the Seeker began practically worshiping her. The only good thing about this situation was that the radioactive clone was more than happy to let his excess energy be absorbed and converted by the Forge into extra spark energy for Fixit. She was feeling better than ever!

…at least physically.

"I can't believe their security is actually this bad," she muttered to herself as they snuck down the corridor to the intersection. "I completely understand Toaster's grumbling now. This _is_ pathetic- what is-?"

"wwwwooooOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!" Frenzy whooped, waving a cowboy hat in the air as he barreled down the corridor intersecting theirs, clinging to the roof of an equally excited Wildrider.

"COWABUNGA!" the Stunticon cried, drifting around the corner, leaving a trail of tumbling balloons and billowing clouds of rainbow glitter.

**"GET BACK HERE!"** cried pretty much every other bot currently on the _Victory_, stampeding after the two mobile disasters.

"…not one of them noticed us, did they?" the Seeker deadpanned from where they were standing _in the middle of the connecting corridor._

"No. No they did not," she replied flatly.

Well, at least they didn't have to worry quite so much about being caught. At least until the other, non-distracted Cons came back from their missions.

* * *

"…so I am the only one who would be capable of surviving the trip."

A nod.

"…"

"…"

"…very well. Both you and Fixit were arguably my most loyal- and competent- soldiers. It seems only right to return the favor now. I will go and protect your bonded, until you can return to his side once more."

"…thank you, milord."

* * *

_A/N: Here comes Megatron! XD_

_And Fixit gains yet another minion…she just can't stop collecting them, can she?_

_I can't stop picturing a Looney Tunes-esque chase scene with the Cons, now… XD_

_Also, Primus is so dead next time she sees him._


	22. INCOMING!

_INCOMING!_

* * *

"_**So, clusters orbit clusters to form superclusters, yeah?"**_

"_You could also have used galaxies as an example."_

"…"

"_Just sayin'…"_

"…_**so, superclusters. Superclusters can also orbit other superclusters-"**_

"_-just like galaxies do?"_

"…"

"…"

"…_**I take it you get the concept?"**_

"_YES. NOW MOVE ON."_

* * *

"Sunstorm? What are you doing here? Weren't you guarding the prisoner?" Motormaster asked suspiciously, narrowing his optics at the glowing Seeker.

Sunstorm opened his mouth to reply…

…and the caffeinated whirlwind that was Frenzy and Wildrider whizzed by.

The mechs stampeding after them promptly trampled the Stunticon leader.

Sunstorm blinked down at the groaning, semi-conscious mech in front of him. Then he scowled.

"I'm never going to get to use the excuse you provided me, am I?"

"…if events continue the way they have been? No, no you will not," Fixit answered wryly, poking her helm around the corner the Seeker had been blocking Motormaster from going around.

"Blasted mortals, how dare they continue to turn down the chance to bask in our greatness…" the glowing mech muttered, stalking forwards to check if the coast was clear. He gestured the Eradicon forwards at the sight of the silent, empty halls, and they resumed their trek to the flight deck. The two winged bots had been forced to take a winding, circuitous route (that doubled back on itself often) in order to avoid the continuing chase scene. So what should have been a fifteen minute trip to the deck…turned into an almost three hour trip.

Talk about your impressive caffeine overdoses. Seriously, she only gave Frenzy, like, one pot!

"It's kind of a good thing you haven't had to use the excuse yet," Fixit reminded the sulking mech, who was resembling a human toddler more and more as time went on.

"I suppose you are correct, Champion," he pouted. "Again."

"…but yeah, I kinda want you to have to use it before we leave, too," the Eradicon admitted sheepishly, causing him to smirk triumphantly at her. "Their reactions would be hilarious…"

A screeching noise echoed down the corridor ahead of them. Sunstorm immediately dashed forwards to the nearest closet and opened it seconds before Fixit slid inside. Then he shut the door quickly and flattened himself against the wall just in time.

Wildrider shot past the glowing Seeker on a Hawaiian-patterned surfboard, leaving a neon green slime trail in his wake. The hyped-up Stunticon was wearing a glittery purple cowboy hat, old-fashioned gun holsters, and a giant Sheriff's badge with a Decepticon insignia on it. Frenzy, who was perched on his shoulder, was wearing a Hula Girl outfit, imitating the little figures humans sometimes put on the dashboards of their cars.

"SURF'S UP, DUDES!" Wildrider cheered as he- _SURFED AROUND THE CORNER ON ONE OF HIS BROTHERS!?_

Sunstorm's jaw dropped. Sure enough, that was a bound, gagged, and spray-painted Dead End being used as a makeshift surfboard by the caffeinated mechs. The Seeker was so astonished by this that he failed to notice the arms reaching out to grab him from behind.

"MMPGRH!" came the muffled cry as Fixit yanked him helm-first back into the closet with her, shutting the door just in time for the flailing, ooze-coated Cons in pursuit to careen past and into the wall at the end of the hall, missing them by mere moments.

THUD

THUD THUD

THUD THUD THUD

THUD

.

.

.

THUD.

Slowly, the door cracked open a smidge as the thuds stopped. The two winged conspirators poked their helms out, Sunstorm's stacked on top of Fixit's. They raised a brow in unison at the unconscious mechs heaped in a pile at the end of the corridor.

"…Champion?"

"…yeah?"

"How the slag did they circle back so fast?"

"…frag if I know."

Seriously, if it weren't so important she get off the _Victory_ before the other Cons get back, she would totally stick around for the sheer entertainment value. And research possibilities.

Real life Looney Tunes! Complete with Cartoon Physics! She could laugh her aft off _while_ she got to study a brand new field of research!

The possibilities were endless!

_"-AMPION!"_

"What!?" Fixit yelped, jumping as Sunstorm yelled in her audio. "I wasn't drooling, I was paying attention! I'm focusing!"

The Seeker just gave her a Look.

She pouted. "Okay fine, maybe I wasn't…"

The glowing yellow mech shook his helm, choosing instead to usher the Champion out of the closet. It wasn't like it was the first time the femme had gotten distracted…

* * *

BlueBlueBlueBlueBlueBlueBlueBlackBlackBlackPurplePurplePURPLEPURPLEPURPLEPAINPAINPAINPAINPAIN_PAINPAIN-!_

_**GROUND!**_

The earth shook at the impact, the dust cloud rising into the air to be seen for miles.

* * *

They had gotten to the flight deck…

…only to discover the returning Cons had gotten there first.

Stupid fraggin' Looney Tunes-esque Chase Scene that prevented them from getting there in time to escape!

* * *

::Ravage, report.::

The symbiont choked in shock, nearly falling out of the vent he was recording idiotic wanna-be surfers from, but automatically complied and quickly sent a summary of the current situation over the comm.

::…he got himself kidnapped _again?_::

Any other time, Ravage would have snickered to himself at the exasperated disbelief in that voice. As it was, though, he just vented in commiseration.

* * *

"Don't you dare," Fixit hissed, pulling back on Sunstorm's shoulder vents as the Seeker tried to charge around the corner. Thankfully, the returning Cons were too busy being distracted by Megatron and Starscream fighting to notice the soft sounds of the winged cybertronians' scuffle.

For now.

"Release me, Champion! I will remove the mortal obstacles from your path, so you may be free once more!" he growled quietly, straining to be released without hurting the carrying femme.

"Like slag! You're no match for all of them at once!"

"You dare doubt my power!? My victory is assured!"

"It is not!"

"Primus has charged me with your safety, Champion! I shall not fail him!"

Soundwave cocked his helm slightly as incomprehensible hissy noises sounded from the access corridor to the bay. He turned away from the common sight of his Lord and the winged turborat arguing to stalk over silently. The hisses slowly resolved into words as he got closer.

"-es pie have to do with anything!?"

"It has everything to do with it, and if you can't even understand that, then you'll just die immediately!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"To- oh."

"Hah! You have finally realized my superiority to those insolent mortals, and realized-"

"Soundwave's right behind you."

"What!? Don't be ridicu- oh."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…well, frag."

And with that eloquent summary of the situation, Sunstorm purposefully flared his power, causing Soundwave to stagger back with a pained grunt.

"Chamption, flee!" the Seeker cried as he launched himself at the startled Cons.

"ARE YOU FRAGGING SERIOUS?!" she roared at the moronic winged light bulb. "THAT WAS YOUR PLAN!?"

Sunstorm yelped as he backpedaled rapidly, barely avoiding a blow from Soundwave. "JUST FLY ALREADY!"

"I CAN'T!" Fixit fumed as she hid around the corner, the rest of the Cons closing in rapidly. "I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ENER- FRAGGIT!"

She sprinted for the edge of the flight deck- the only area clear of Decepticons- as Astrotrain, Acid Storm, and the Stunticons (bar Wildrider) came barreling down the corridor. The Eradicon skidded to a halt by the edge, spinning to face the Cons. Most of the muscle had gone after Sunstorm, who was only keeping them at bay due to the unhealthy amount of radiation pouring off his form. But Soundwave, the Command Trine, and Megatron were all converging on her.

She gulped nervously, shifting back as far as she could go, raising her servo to hover above her shoulder in preparation to pull out the Forge…

…and a massive cannon blast struck the area between her and the Cons, throwing her attackers back.

"WHAT THE FRAG!?" Fixit yelped, wobbling dangerously before she managed to catch her balance. The sentiment was echoed by the Cons (in a much more vulgar fashion) as they leapt back to their pedes.

And then Megatron fell out of the sky, slamming down in a perfect landing.

Everyone stopped fighting in favor of gaping mutely as the absolutely _massive_ bot slowly straightened up. He menacingly scanned the crowd of Decepticons before him, ending with his counterpart. Narrow red optics glared down at startled wide ones…

_"No one touches my lieutenant except for me."_

.

.

.

.

.

"…_LIEUTENANT!?" _everyone yelped in shock.

Including Fixit.

* * *

_A/N: MEGATRON'S HERE!_

_Or, as one entirely too amusing review put it, BEEFATRON._

_Thanks for the laugh, SleepiPanda. I needed that. It really made my week._

_(And helped me finish this chapter!)_


	23. Prime vs G1

Prime!tron vs G1!tron

"…_**fine. So, replace each atom cluster-"**_

"_-galaxy cluster."_

"…_**atom-"**_

"_-gala-"_

"_**FIXIT!"**_

_*snicker*_

* * *

_"WHAT THE FRAG DO YOU MEAN, 'LIEUTENANT!?'"_ Fixit yelped, gaping at the massive form standing protectively in front of her.

(Which was yet another thing adding to her shock and bewilderment- since when did _Megatron_ protect _anyone!?_)

Prime!Megatron lifted a brow slightly, keeping the majority of his attention on the stunned Decepticons in front of him. "You have been my lieutenant in all but name for a while, Fixit. Or do you deny manipulating my forces into doing your bidding?"

She just opened and closed her mouth helplessly for a moment. "…when did I…wait, you mean my pranks!?"

"Pranks that easily rivaled the most convoluted of my plots, and were far more successful as well?" he commented wryly, ever so slowly inching backwards to the Eradicon. Thankfully, none of the G1 Cons had noticed yet, but he wasn't betting on that lasting. Megatron was no coward- he could easily take them all down- but his priority was keeping Fixit safe and well. He had promised Soundwave. And if that meant retreating, then so be it.

"Your plots worked," Fixit frowned in confusion.

"Up until they didn't," he rebutted, almost to his baffled lieutenant. For once, Fixit was either too tired or too confused to suppress his EM field, which meant he could actually feel the other's bewilderment. Carefully, he reached out with his own field and gently nudged the Eradicon's.

Fixit jumped slightly, but as her Lord was still shielding her from view with his form, her startlement went unnoticed. "It wasn't any fault of yours that caused them to fail, milord," she continued absentmindedly, focusing most of her attention on her EM field. Carefully, she prodded him back.

"No, but I failed to take into account all the factors, unlike you." He gently pushed on her field, before sliding his around hers towards the edge and then down, accompanying the move with a feeling of urgency and insistence.

(He hid a frown at the sheer amount of _agony_ he could feel in Fixit's EM field. It was…displeasing, to know one of his most loyal was suffering so much with no real solution in sight.)

"…I don't take into account all the factors, though," the Eradicon replied, still confused for a nanoklick before comprehension dawned. She sent back understanding and acceptance, with an unintentional undertone of anxiety. "I'm just really, _really_ good at improvising on the spot-"

"ENOUGH!" G1!Megatron roared, confused and pissed off at being ignored. And mad at being confused. Basically, just furious with everything. As per normal. "Whoever you are, you shall not interfere!"

"Ignoring the fact you just did," Fixit muttered. Prime!Megatron pushed exasperated amusement and anticipation at her.

"DECEPTICONS, ATTACK!"

"Decepticons, flail uselessly!" came the Eradicon's mocking echo as Prime!tron charged. He barreled right through the shorter bots, sending them flying like bowling pins.

G1!tron snarled in fury, aiming his cannon…

…and then Fixit threw an energon dagger right down the barrel, causing it to backfire and explode in his face.

G1!tron stumbled backwards, flailing wildly. He teetered dangerously, windmilling his arms…and then Prime!tron uppercut him across the faceplates, tossing the scorched mech back to the other side of the deck and knocking him out cold.

"LORD MEGATRON!" the remaining Cons screeched in horror. Fixit snickered in delight from where she was fending off a teleporting Skywarp with a pair of energon daggers; one blue (regular energon) and one purple (dark energon).

"You, Seeker!" Prime!tron bellowed, pointing at Sunstorm, who was decimating the Stunticons (minus Wildrider). "Get Fixit out of here!"

Sunstorm sneered at him. "You aren't my Commander!" But he still ran to the quickly-tiring Eradicon. He scooped her up, ignoring her startled yelp, and jumped into the air, beating a rapid retreat.

Prime!tron bodily tossed Soundwave into Skywarp from behind, bowling the Seeker over and knocking the two out before transforming to follow the miniature sun carrying a creatively-cursing femme.

The poor G1!Cons were left behind groaning in heaps, unsure of what, exactly, just hit them.

* * *

Ravage scoffed as he spied on the pathetic wanna-bes from the access vent. Even the Roombas would have put up a better fight than-

WHAT THE SLAG DID HE JUST THINK.

.

.

.

Fraggit! The crazy femme actually corrupted him!

He was doomed!

* * *

"Down."

"Champion-"

"DOWN."

Sunstorm grimaced, but reluctantly headed towards the ground. Megatron followed, transforming to land heavily behind the two as the Seeker touched down gently.

"Why are we stopping?" the massive mech demanded, striding over as Fixit squirmed until Sunstorm put her down.

"One- I need to repair all of us. Well," she paused, eyeing her unruffled Lord, "maybe not you right now, but Sunstorm and I both need repairs. Two- we need to find a different way to travel. The Forge lets me endure Sunstorm's radiation without harm for a while, but the closer I am to him, the quicker my safety buffer is used up. He won't be able to carry me for much longer before harming me."

The glowing Seeker looked miserable. "Champion, I-"

Fixit smacked him upside the helm. "Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault," she scolded as she knelt to begin patching up some of his wounds. "And I still need to stay close to you the majority of the time anyways, otherwise the Forge can't convert enough energy to sustain myself and my newspark. I just need a break for a couple of joors."

"Are you still unable to fly?" Megatron asked as he watched the femme work.

The Eradicon's wings drooped dejectedly. "Yes," she answered miserably, concentrating on the Seeker's shoulder and thus missing the concerned frowns each mech shot her.

The huge gray mech hummed softly before turning his attention to the glowing Seeker standing protectively next to the medic. "Sunstorm, how easily can you be tracked?"

Sunstorm puffed himself up in affront-

"Very easily," Fixit remarked dryly, cutting off any (suicidal) answer the egotistical mech might otherwise have given. "There's no other source of this specific radiation on Earth that's anywhere near as concentrated."

The yellow mech looked like he didn't know whether to be offended or proud.

Megatron only just refrained from rolling his optics. Seekers. "Fixit, how long can you be away from him before suffering?"

"Couple minutes. But I won't actually be in danger for almost an orn, the Forge has managed to make quite the stockpile during the past couple of joors."

"…very well. Then I will take Fixit and walk the rest of the way to the Ark. Sunstorm, you will lead any possible pursuit away from us, before reporting to the Ark in half an orn."

"You're not-!" the Seeker started snarling.

"It's a good idea," the Eradicon commented offhandedly, having moved on to her own repairs now.

Sunstorm instantly deflated. "But- I- fine," he sulked. "But if the Champion is harmed at all, I will take it out of your hide!"

Megatron just scoffed dismissively as the Seeker took off, roaring away into the sky.

There was a long pause as the Prime!Cons watched him go, and then-

"OH THANK PRIMUS NO MORE PREENING!" Fixit wailed in relief, flopping onto her back as Megatron snorted in amusement.

* * *

_A/N: Is anyone surprised Prime!tron owned? Because I'm not._

_Oh, and before I forget: does anyone have any ideas on what the newspark's name should be? I already have one in mind, but I would like other opinions. The name should have something to do with night or dark or something. I can't see Fixit naming the reincarnation of Megatronus Prime something like RainbowDash or Heatshock or what-have-you._

_Even if that would be an amusing contrast._

_(I watched My Little Pony recently, can you tell?)_

_Also, fight scenes suck. Bleh._


	24. Megatron is a Troll

Megatron is a Troll

"_**AS I WAS SAYING, replace each individual galaxy cluster with a cluster of universes, and you get a rough approximation of how the multiverse works. Or as close to it as mortal minds can comprehend."**_

"…"

"_**Was that explanation satisfactory, milady?"**_

"…_you said galaxy."_

"…"

"_HA!"_

"_**DAMN IT, FEMME!"**_

"_MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! VICTORY IS MINE!"_

* * *

"Why, exactly, can't I just walk?" Fixit whined uncomfortably.

Megatron gave into the urge to roll his optics. "Because you yourself admitted that that would use more of the energy reserves than would be wise."

"Well…yeah, but…"

He gave her a Look. She cringed sheepishly.

"Sorry."

The ex-warlord shook his helm tiredly, venting softly in exasperation as he carried the uncomfortable Eradicon bridal-style in his arms. One of the few benefits about being upgraded by Unicron- he rarely tired physically anymore.

"…wouldn't it be less tiring- whoa!"

Fixit instinctively clung to Megatron's neck as he stumbled slightly. Then she realized what she was doing.

"Sorry!" she yelped, jerking her arms back.

And throwing him off balance again.

Causing her to cling once more.

This cycle repeated a couple more times before Megatron finally snapped.

"Fixit, enough!" The Eradicon froze, arms in the air. "Just- leave your arms around my neck. The world will hardly end if you touch me," he grumbled, slightly irritated by just how uncomfortable the femme was around him.

"Sorry," she mumbled, gingerly wrapping her arms back around his neck. "I just- I don't- I know you don't like being touched, so…um…"

He frowned curiously down at her, but she was avoiding his gaze nervously. "…what gave you that idea?" he asked. Sure, it was generally true, but there were a few he didn't mind occasional non-violent physical contact with. Soundwave and Fixit, being his most loyal, were the biggest exceptions.

Although, given how surprised the Eradicon was when he called the femme his lieutenant, maybe it was possible Fixit didn't know that…

"Well, the only time you touched anyone on the Nemesis was either to fight or threaten them, unless you were getting repaired. And then it was for medical reasons, so obvious exception there…" she trailed off into his chestplates. "Except maybe if you commended Shockwave or Soundwave or someone with a hand on their shoulder or something similar…"

He watched her out of the corner of his optic as he strode along, thinking. The femme wasn't relaxing at all, despite him saying it was alright. So…

Fixit tightened her grip as he stumbled slightly again, the wet Rocky Mountains soil soft and squishy from the recent morning rain. "Sorry," she murmured, loosening her grip as much as she could without throwing off his balance again.

He walked on a few more meters…before he stumbled once more.

And then again after that.

And again.

After the latest time, Fixit frowned up at him. "Am I blocking your view of the ground? Because I can walk."

Megatron rolled his optics. "You're not walking, Fixit."

Cue stumble.

Only this time, Fixit was looking at him, and thus saw the mischievous glint in his optics. She sputtered in shock, causing his lips to twitch slightly.

"You- what- you're doing that on _purpose!?"_

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied evenly, stoically gazing ahead. Only the smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth gave him away.

"You…" She huffed indignantly, amused despite herself. "Well played, sir. Well played."

And with that, she finally relaxed into his hold as he dropped the stoic mask in favor of chuckling in satisfaction.

* * *

Megatron leaned against the rock bluff, eyeing the Autobot patrol going by below. The ex-warlord was contemplating how to approach them without being attacked. Of course, it would have been easier to plan had the femme gently venting onto his neck cabling been awake to offer advice, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Fixit obviously needed the rest, judging by how fast he fell into recharge once he finally relaxed.

Wait…didn't Soundwave mention that one of Fixit's favorite Vehicon minions had gotten sent to this world as well?

* * *

Ravage gladly sold Steve out when his Lord commed him. Let the Roomba handle the incoming acid storm, Ravage had enough to do prank- er, spying on the wanna-bes.

The symbiont was just glad he had stocked up on coffee before coming here. Frenzy and Wildrider were incredibly disruptive (and convenient) distractions when continually doped up with caffeine!

* * *

Steve paced his and Fixit's quarters irritably. Both Prime and Prowl were unconscious in medbay from the Decepticons' attacks today…and none of the rest of the Autobots were in any shape to go haring off on a rescue mission deep in enemy territory either.

Logically, he knew Jazz was right, that the Cons would be too busy celebrating and recovering themselves to do anything to Fixit just yet, but…

…but Fixit was the one being that had always believed in him. Even when he didn't believe in himself. Where others had looked at him and seen a common drone, Fixit had seen an individual, with a right to his own opinions…with a right to want something _more._ And then the femme had made sure he had the opportunity to _get_ it.

Oh, he knew he was far from the only one the crazy Eradicon had done this for. That _was_ why the _Nemesis' _entire contingent of Roombas practically worshiped the femme, after all.

(He hadn't actually been joking when he mentioned the cult the others were building around her. Frag, he actually joined the slagging thing!)

Anyways, the point was, there was no fragging way he was leaving Fixit alone in enemy territory!

…not that he could do anything about it.

What was the point of this rant, again?

Steve frowned as he tried to figure out what had happened to his train of thought, ceasing his pacing for a moment.

And of course, that was when he got a comm from-

_"LORD MEGATRON!?"_

* * *

_:Ravage, you fragger! How could you sell me out?! I thought we had something special!:_

Ravage rolled his optics, not even bothering to reply to the drama queen.

_:I'm gonna diiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!:_

* * *

Why oh why did both Prime and Prowl have to be unconscious right now?! Red Alert and Ironhide were going to freak and murder everything in sight!

Well, at least Steve could pass on the processor-ache by talking to Jazz first…

* * *

Jazz cradled his aching helm in his servos. First the long, horrible fight against the Cons, then getting put in charge since Prime and Prowl were out of commission before discovering exactly _why_ Red was ranting about Fixit deserting to the Cons and locking Steve in the brig…

…and now apparently Steve and Fixit's Megatron was here. With Fixit. Just outside the Ark.

Could this day get any worse!?

Then he yelped as he realized what he just thought. "Ah take i' back!"

Steve jumped from where he had been standing apologetically. "What?"

Jazz waved his servo at him. "Nah, no' yah, jus'…"

"Oh. You tempted fate," Steve groaned. "Great, one more misfortune to look forwards to…"

They vented resignedly in unison.

"Fine, Ah'll send a couple o' bots ou' wit yah," Jazz conceded, rubbing his helm at the thought of the paperwork this would produce. "Bu' unless Megsy promises ta behave, Ah can' le' 'im in."

"Fair enough."

* * *

_A/N: I _like_ writing my version of Prime!tron. Especially since he's one of the few who can mess with Fixit successfully._

_Also, there is a surprising amount of fluff(y bonding things) going on in this chapter. I totally did not mean for that to happen. _

_Ah well._

_Also, I've narrowed down names to three choices based on the input I've received so far: Ashfall, Shatterguard, and Nightshade. These are just the most likely names I'll use, but not necessarily the final ones. So if you have any other ideas, now's the time!_

_C'est la vie._


End file.
